Well, I figured I’d invoke a bit of spontaneity and drop in a little blurb unexpectedly. Seems like someone should pick up the slack **nudge nudge**
It’s been quite a summer, travelling lots, not far mind you, but cumbersome with all the packing, practically every second weekend. I must say, despite it being so hectic, with the working, packing, bussing, visiting, reveling, bussing, unpacking, working and doing it all over again, it’s been one of my most enjoyable summers in a very long time – probably since I lived in the country. And you’d think with all the travelling and get up and go I had, that I might have shed a pound or two perhaps. Well, folks, sorry to say, but after my little shopping spree last evening, and going home with absolutely nothing to don on myself, methinks it’s high time to start a little program of my own. Apparently those free little advice tips you find online every once and a while telling you just how many calories are in a beer, may just hold a bit of weight (pardon the punny).
I’ve never been really that big, I guess size 12 – oh I know, for my height I really should be about 25 pounds lighter, but really, I do carry it well. At least my friends don’t tell me I’m obese. But after last night, obese is exactly how I felt. Not only was I not asked at the clothing store if I might need some help, but I ended up walking out of there feeling like I just walked in and out of a store designed for pygmies. My goal was a fall jacket. Medium is what I used to take, so okay, maybe large. But when the XL wouldn’t even button around my waist I got so frustrated I ended up walking out of the stores literally with tears in my eyes. How did this happen? Was I really awake or was it just another nightmare? And to think – I was just about ready to start dating again dammit!
Well, I’m on another road trip this weekend, and I promise it will be my final hurrah. A new season is just around the corner, and with new seasons come fresh attitudes. A little bit of moderation & calorie counting, here I come, and just maybe I’ll fit into that XL before fall is over.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Exercise Classes - Your Rhythm or Blues?
Why do some people have rhythm and others do not? I personally fall into the second category. Well not so much as into that category, more like below it. To say I do not have rhythm is darn near a compliment. I really don’t understand why some are blessed with the ease of coordination and the flow of dancing. And then there are those such as myself that apparently have two left feet. I prefer not to think of it as an intellectual issue because certainly less intelligent people have been known to have the ability to groove down as well as the brilliant beings that don’t have a move to grove at all. What I do know is that it’s very obvious when one lacks the necessary coordination to carry out certain tasks. All of this comes to mind because yesterday when I was at my cycling spin class at the gym, this is what I observed:
As I was perched upon my stationary spinning bike, I was diligently following all of the directions from the teacher. She was shouting “faster, faster you can make it up this incline” (of course there was no incline, we were indoors in a gym on these odd little bikes, but with the tension turned up it feels like a massive hill) the music was blasting. She continued to push us, to make us work harder; “Peddle harder, stay strong, you can do it, only ninety more seconds” (I guess ninety seconds sounds more encouraging than it’s just another minute and a half). My heart was pounding, I was breathless, my legs were burning from the intensity. As I was peddling faster and faster my imagination slowly lifted me into another dimension. For a brief moment I thought I was in Kansas or perhaps ET had possessed my body. I swear I had lifted off the ground and was observing my world from an entirely new angle. Actually, the cycling room is on the second floor and one wall has all windows overlooking two racquetball courts below that have been converted into one very large fitness room.
I looked down and saw this aerobic class in progress, I could not hear anything, it was all visual. I was watching them step up on the step, back down, turn around, jump three times. Step to the left. Step to the right. Touch your toes. Step on the step, step down, turn left, turn right. I was mesmerized. There were at least twenty people in the class and I’ll be damned if every one of them was in perfect sync with each other. How the hell did they do that? Was this some professional aerobic class? How come nobody was turning the wrong way or bumping into the next person? That happened every time I tried one of those classes. Let me clarify, that is what I did every time I took one of those classes. And I have tried these classes more times than I can count. As I was peddling away on my bike I continued to watch them. It appeared that everyone was truly enjoying the exercise class and no one was getting hurt from the person beside them.
I think I would be a much thinner person if I had any sense of rhythm. I say this because so many exercises I have tried are just too damn difficult for me. The teacher says left, but I move right because that is what I see when I am watching her as she is facing the class. Then there are all those mirrors, wall to wall mirrors. I understand why, but is it really necessary? Us chunkier gals with no coordination could certainly get a much better workout if we did not have to see our silly grinning, backwards stepping faces every time we turned around. It is absurd.
Let me tell you, I am not kidding when I write that I have tried so many of these various classes. Just to name a few - kick boxing, step, beginning step, basic step, just abs, circuit classes, cross fit, fun & fit, all of them so challenging with the music/exercise I just got overwhelmed and quit. For someone with already borderline low self esteem/body image issues, this is not a good place to be. I have not tried and would not even consider; Boot fitness – here is the description – A class incorporating balance, strength and cardio training. Come and join this challenging workout. The description alone makes me break into a sweat, does that count? Here’s another good one I would not consider; Athletic Step. Ready? A little Choreography and high intensity, powerful movement on the step. Now I know any description that includes choreography is immediately out of my league, not to mention the title has the word athletic in it. No need for me to further describe how challenging and disastrous either of those would be for me. Talk about a blow to self esteem.
Lucky for me that I am persistent and understand that I must be active or I will be overweight. By the time I get to work every day, I have not even exerted myself enough to burn fifty calories. I then sit on my ass for at least eight to nine hours with little or no activity, except my fingers tapping on my computer. The lack of activity adds up quickly and accumulates right in my belly. Therefore I must find activities that I can do AND enjoy. Okay well maybe enjoy is stretching it a bit. Exercise I am capable of doing without hurting anyone else or myself. Actually I have settled in on a few, but boy would it be nice to have all the other options too. I just read an interview with Brooke Shields, she said that "she enjoys working out much more after than during." Wow, could I relate to that. Here is a list of what I can do; running and walking, even while listening to my IPod so I guess that’s something to be grateful for. Then on a very limited basis- yoga and pilates (as long as they go slow and I do not look at myself in the mirror). One glance in the mirror and I could tip right over Again, I certainly would not want to hurt people in this class. Aqua aerobics because ninety percent of my motion is underwater so nobody but me knows what’s really going on. Besides the music is washed out over the motion of the water so I can focus on the movements. I can do my own individual work outs with the weights (machines mostly) combined with the treadmill, rowing machine and bikes but I have a tendency to not push myself as hard when it is just me. And then of course my spin class. Oh my god I am in a spin class, as I come back to reality.
“Go! Go! Come on you can do it, only ninety seconds left of our workout! PUSH, PUSH AS HARD AS YOU CAN!” Woo Whoo, as I flashed back, that was the quickest workout I have done yet. I like spin class. It’s easy, you need no rhythm, I’ve yet to hurt anyone and there is someone pushing you to push way beyond your comfort zone. It’s my personal favorite.
NOTE TO SELF: Do what you can do to keep active!
As I was perched upon my stationary spinning bike, I was diligently following all of the directions from the teacher. She was shouting “faster, faster you can make it up this incline” (of course there was no incline, we were indoors in a gym on these odd little bikes, but with the tension turned up it feels like a massive hill) the music was blasting. She continued to push us, to make us work harder; “Peddle harder, stay strong, you can do it, only ninety more seconds” (I guess ninety seconds sounds more encouraging than it’s just another minute and a half). My heart was pounding, I was breathless, my legs were burning from the intensity. As I was peddling faster and faster my imagination slowly lifted me into another dimension. For a brief moment I thought I was in Kansas or perhaps ET had possessed my body. I swear I had lifted off the ground and was observing my world from an entirely new angle. Actually, the cycling room is on the second floor and one wall has all windows overlooking two racquetball courts below that have been converted into one very large fitness room.
I looked down and saw this aerobic class in progress, I could not hear anything, it was all visual. I was watching them step up on the step, back down, turn around, jump three times. Step to the left. Step to the right. Touch your toes. Step on the step, step down, turn left, turn right. I was mesmerized. There were at least twenty people in the class and I’ll be damned if every one of them was in perfect sync with each other. How the hell did they do that? Was this some professional aerobic class? How come nobody was turning the wrong way or bumping into the next person? That happened every time I tried one of those classes. Let me clarify, that is what I did every time I took one of those classes. And I have tried these classes more times than I can count. As I was peddling away on my bike I continued to watch them. It appeared that everyone was truly enjoying the exercise class and no one was getting hurt from the person beside them.
I think I would be a much thinner person if I had any sense of rhythm. I say this because so many exercises I have tried are just too damn difficult for me. The teacher says left, but I move right because that is what I see when I am watching her as she is facing the class. Then there are all those mirrors, wall to wall mirrors. I understand why, but is it really necessary? Us chunkier gals with no coordination could certainly get a much better workout if we did not have to see our silly grinning, backwards stepping faces every time we turned around. It is absurd.
Let me tell you, I am not kidding when I write that I have tried so many of these various classes. Just to name a few - kick boxing, step, beginning step, basic step, just abs, circuit classes, cross fit, fun & fit, all of them so challenging with the music/exercise I just got overwhelmed and quit. For someone with already borderline low self esteem/body image issues, this is not a good place to be. I have not tried and would not even consider; Boot fitness – here is the description – A class incorporating balance, strength and cardio training. Come and join this challenging workout. The description alone makes me break into a sweat, does that count? Here’s another good one I would not consider; Athletic Step. Ready? A little Choreography and high intensity, powerful movement on the step. Now I know any description that includes choreography is immediately out of my league, not to mention the title has the word athletic in it. No need for me to further describe how challenging and disastrous either of those would be for me. Talk about a blow to self esteem.
Lucky for me that I am persistent and understand that I must be active or I will be overweight. By the time I get to work every day, I have not even exerted myself enough to burn fifty calories. I then sit on my ass for at least eight to nine hours with little or no activity, except my fingers tapping on my computer. The lack of activity adds up quickly and accumulates right in my belly. Therefore I must find activities that I can do AND enjoy. Okay well maybe enjoy is stretching it a bit. Exercise I am capable of doing without hurting anyone else or myself. Actually I have settled in on a few, but boy would it be nice to have all the other options too. I just read an interview with Brooke Shields, she said that "she enjoys working out much more after than during." Wow, could I relate to that. Here is a list of what I can do; running and walking, even while listening to my IPod so I guess that’s something to be grateful for. Then on a very limited basis- yoga and pilates (as long as they go slow and I do not look at myself in the mirror). One glance in the mirror and I could tip right over Again, I certainly would not want to hurt people in this class. Aqua aerobics because ninety percent of my motion is underwater so nobody but me knows what’s really going on. Besides the music is washed out over the motion of the water so I can focus on the movements. I can do my own individual work outs with the weights (machines mostly) combined with the treadmill, rowing machine and bikes but I have a tendency to not push myself as hard when it is just me. And then of course my spin class. Oh my god I am in a spin class, as I come back to reality.
“Go! Go! Come on you can do it, only ninety seconds left of our workout! PUSH, PUSH AS HARD AS YOU CAN!” Woo Whoo, as I flashed back, that was the quickest workout I have done yet. I like spin class. It’s easy, you need no rhythm, I’ve yet to hurt anyone and there is someone pushing you to push way beyond your comfort zone. It’s my personal favorite.
NOTE TO SELF: Do what you can do to keep active!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Jumping Hurdles - How High Are Yours?
I had another 1.4 pound weight lost this week! I have made it over my first big hurdle, the ten pound mark. Wooo Whooo! I have twenty five pounds to go to my goal weight. It may be a long slow process, but I am confident it will happen in due time, again! Oh how I love those hurdles.
Apparently, at my average stature of 5’4” I like hurdles. I like jumping over hurdles, whether they be clutter , weight, money , fitness or time management hurdles. If I have jumped it once, I have jumped it again and again. These aren’t just random hurdles that life puts before me. No siree, these are hurdles I place in my own life. They are my personal huddles. I seem to very strategically place them throughout my life so I am constantly trying to get over them. Why? That is a fantastic question to ask myself. Hum, why not get over the hurdle and keep looking forward? Instead of looking back, grabbing that hurdle I thought I just mastered and then reset it smack in front of myself? Right there in my very own future? Geez, I think I mentioned in an earlier post, that there was a good chance you would feel better about yourself after reading my personal insights. How are you feeling now?
If I seriously ask myself the question, why the same hurdles over and over? I think I would have to say “it’s because I truly have not mastered that hurdle, YET.” Once I honestly evaluate the hurdles, I find that each time the hurdle is a bit lower. It is easier and quicker to get over. Eventually that hurdles is eliminated. A good example is smoking. I was a smoker. I loved to smoke. I quit smoking fifty times before I became a non-smoker. That hurdle is no longer in front of me. Another hurdle was being organized. That was another big one for me. Slowly from trial and error, I have just about mastered that one. You seldom will walk into my home and see everything strewed all over the place in an attempt to organize myself, my life.
So for now, I am still jumping some of the same hurdles. Most prominent in my life today is the weight hurdle. I got over the big ten pound mark and my hurdle just got lower. I accept that jumping my personal hurdles equal my personal growth. Sometimes it will be the same hurdles. Sometimes there may be some new ones too. And then there will be times I am just on the straight stretch.
NOTE TO SELF: Keep jumping and eventually you’ll land firm on both feet!
Apparently, at my average stature of 5’4” I like hurdles. I like jumping over hurdles, whether they be clutter , weight, money , fitness or time management hurdles. If I have jumped it once, I have jumped it again and again. These aren’t just random hurdles that life puts before me. No siree, these are hurdles I place in my own life. They are my personal huddles. I seem to very strategically place them throughout my life so I am constantly trying to get over them. Why? That is a fantastic question to ask myself. Hum, why not get over the hurdle and keep looking forward? Instead of looking back, grabbing that hurdle I thought I just mastered and then reset it smack in front of myself? Right there in my very own future? Geez, I think I mentioned in an earlier post, that there was a good chance you would feel better about yourself after reading my personal insights. How are you feeling now?
If I seriously ask myself the question, why the same hurdles over and over? I think I would have to say “it’s because I truly have not mastered that hurdle, YET.” Once I honestly evaluate the hurdles, I find that each time the hurdle is a bit lower. It is easier and quicker to get over. Eventually that hurdles is eliminated. A good example is smoking. I was a smoker. I loved to smoke. I quit smoking fifty times before I became a non-smoker. That hurdle is no longer in front of me. Another hurdle was being organized. That was another big one for me. Slowly from trial and error, I have just about mastered that one. You seldom will walk into my home and see everything strewed all over the place in an attempt to organize myself, my life.
So for now, I am still jumping some of the same hurdles. Most prominent in my life today is the weight hurdle. I got over the big ten pound mark and my hurdle just got lower. I accept that jumping my personal hurdles equal my personal growth. Sometimes it will be the same hurdles. Sometimes there may be some new ones too. And then there will be times I am just on the straight stretch.
NOTE TO SELF: Keep jumping and eventually you’ll land firm on both feet!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Do You Buy Your Veggies AND Eat Them Too?
Grocery shopping. As much as I love food, you would think this is one of my favorite activities. NOT! When I head into the market I always go in with the best of intentions. I think that if I buy only lots and lots of fresh healthy food, I will only eat healthy, fresh food. I never anticipate that I will let the fresh fruit and vegetables spoil because I made a hundred excuses why not to prepare them. Guess what I always eat first? The one product that will probably last four months in the fridge. The cheese. Oh how I love my cheese. What’s worse is this is not a new pattern. It has been going on for ages. It’s like every trip to the grocery store is a brand new experience. A fresh start on making better food choices, so let’s buy lots of fresh, perishable foods. So I buy the food and make excuses why not to cook or eat them. Oh the guilt and don’t think I don’t hear my mother’s voice – “There are starving children all over the world, now eat your veggies!”
Also, I think every shopping trip is the last one for the next several weeks so I buy excessively. (It’s clearly that same issue of moderation or lack there of). I crack myself up because as I am putting stacks of lettuce, beans, bell peppers tomatoes, cilantro, etc. I know it is not going to last. I am fully aware that it would be impossible to eat everything before it spoils. I would have to be feeding all of Jon and Kate’s plus eight plus their dates and the entire staff too, maybe even the whole damn network in order to not be wasteful.
It’s bad enough that I am an excessive food shopper; I am also a peeping cart watcher. I enjoy peeking into other shopper’s carts. I love to see what food choices they made. God forbid I may have I missed a goodie on special. I am so fascinated with the psychology of humans; I certainly made the wrong career choice. Of course, then I am ashamed to admit how judgmental I am of other peoples shopping choices. I get ticked off when I see some skinny gal pushing a cart loaded with all my favorites such as, numerous types and flavors of breads, all the cheese groups, wine, pastas and a few chocolates too. How dare her! Then there is the one that isn’t skinny and has not one healthy food in her cart. I silently mutter something to myself. I am embarrassed to admit how shallow I can, but truthful too. (Another posting in the works)
Actually since starting this “self-discovery” journey, I have become aware of my shopping habits. And with lots of effort, I really have made significant progress. Wastefulness is not in line with many of my goals. So, I now pretend I am only shopping for three meals in five days. Occasionally I hit the Farmer’s Market. Surprisingly it works! I have cut back tremendously on the waste and I still do not need to shop any more frequently. Apparently, I can use the food in my cupboards to prepare more meals. Let me tell you it takes some serious practice and discipline to not put every colorful piece of fruit into my cart and sometimes I have to make another loop in the store to put items back. As far as the being a cart peeper, well that’s still another story.
NOTE TO SELF: Mind your own business in the market!
Also, I think every shopping trip is the last one for the next several weeks so I buy excessively. (It’s clearly that same issue of moderation or lack there of). I crack myself up because as I am putting stacks of lettuce, beans, bell peppers tomatoes, cilantro, etc. I know it is not going to last. I am fully aware that it would be impossible to eat everything before it spoils. I would have to be feeding all of Jon and Kate’s plus eight plus their dates and the entire staff too, maybe even the whole damn network in order to not be wasteful.
It’s bad enough that I am an excessive food shopper; I am also a peeping cart watcher. I enjoy peeking into other shopper’s carts. I love to see what food choices they made. God forbid I may have I missed a goodie on special. I am so fascinated with the psychology of humans; I certainly made the wrong career choice. Of course, then I am ashamed to admit how judgmental I am of other peoples shopping choices. I get ticked off when I see some skinny gal pushing a cart loaded with all my favorites such as, numerous types and flavors of breads, all the cheese groups, wine, pastas and a few chocolates too. How dare her! Then there is the one that isn’t skinny and has not one healthy food in her cart. I silently mutter something to myself. I am embarrassed to admit how shallow I can, but truthful too. (Another posting in the works)
Actually since starting this “self-discovery” journey, I have become aware of my shopping habits. And with lots of effort, I really have made significant progress. Wastefulness is not in line with many of my goals. So, I now pretend I am only shopping for three meals in five days. Occasionally I hit the Farmer’s Market. Surprisingly it works! I have cut back tremendously on the waste and I still do not need to shop any more frequently. Apparently, I can use the food in my cupboards to prepare more meals. Let me tell you it takes some serious practice and discipline to not put every colorful piece of fruit into my cart and sometimes I have to make another loop in the store to put items back. As far as the being a cart peeper, well that’s still another story.
NOTE TO SELF: Mind your own business in the market!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Your Own Best Friend or Worst Critic?
This morning as I was pouring my first cup of coffee, I stood looking out my kitchen window . I was watching the sunrise, well not really the sun rising because there was such thick morning fog outside I could barely see across the street. I was actually just seeing it become daylight and anyhow my kitchen window faces north, but you get the idea. I was reflecting back on how all of a sudden this week has taken a huge turn. I was so right on track and then, BOOM I am back to a self destructive eating pattern. I think it was the fear of getting close to meeting a goal (ten pounds) . And let’s be real, it’s not really a pattern as it has only been a few days. It’s more of an out of control issue.
Then I had to stop and think about all the challenges and obstacles I have overcome throughout my life. Yes, it is true I probably am the biggest obstacle in my own life. Hey, that’s okay because it means I continually challenge myself. I never give up on the notion that I can just try again. Here is an excerpt from an article I wrote eight or nine years ago:
I’ll never forget that beautiful summer day when I was driving down the steep, winding, mountain road. I had the windows rolled down and the warm fresh air was blowing against my face. I was singing out loud along with the radio. The view of valley below was breathtaking. There was a sea of evergreen trees as far as I could see. As I was speeding along I smiled realizing my personal victory. I began laughing as I was weeping tears of joy. I began shouting, I’m free, I’m free! I felt like I was on top of the world and I have driven myself there.
You see, I had been suffering from an anxiety disorder which caused me to have severe panic attacks while driving. For the last few years the panic attacks kept me confined to less than a seven mile radius from my home. But at that very moment when I realized I was driving with much ease, I knew my long difficult, agonizing bout with panic attacks had taken a new direction.
How would your life be effected if suddenly you were terrified to stand in line at the grocery store? Or perhaps ever time you started to drive on the highway you were overwhelmed with dizziness and fear. What if you were frightened beyond your control to go to the shopping mall? What if you woke up in the middle of the night with all the symptoms of a heart attack, you call 911 but no heart attack happenes , just your imagination. This may sound ridiculous or unbelievable, but sadly it is a true illness. The National Institute of Mental Health reports panic disorder strikes between three and six million Americans and is twice as common in women as in men.
Margaret Thatcher once said, “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it”. How very true this is. More than once I felt defeated, beaten down and destined to be confined by my own fears. However I was determined to win this battle no matter how long it took or how difficult it was.
And I did. Approximately a year after this driving success, I packed up and moved to Los Angeles. I drove every day on the freeway. Could there be a better city with extensive traffic to take on the fear of freeway driving? Today I can honestly say I am grateful for my experiences with an anxiety disorder. I will never forget the fear and panic I once lived with day to day. I transformed my anxiety to work for me not against me. It serves as a constant reminder that I am the one that controls my own life, not circumstances nor situations. I have learned that within myself lie the necessary tools and strength of my own happiness and freedom. Although, apparently there are many days I forget to acknowledge my successes. I guess I really need to lighten up on myself. Relax and keep reminding myself of my accomplishments and successes I have achieved.
NOTE TO SELF: "Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have." Doris Mortman
Then I had to stop and think about all the challenges and obstacles I have overcome throughout my life. Yes, it is true I probably am the biggest obstacle in my own life. Hey, that’s okay because it means I continually challenge myself. I never give up on the notion that I can just try again. Here is an excerpt from an article I wrote eight or nine years ago:
I’ll never forget that beautiful summer day when I was driving down the steep, winding, mountain road. I had the windows rolled down and the warm fresh air was blowing against my face. I was singing out loud along with the radio. The view of valley below was breathtaking. There was a sea of evergreen trees as far as I could see. As I was speeding along I smiled realizing my personal victory. I began laughing as I was weeping tears of joy. I began shouting, I’m free, I’m free! I felt like I was on top of the world and I have driven myself there.
You see, I had been suffering from an anxiety disorder which caused me to have severe panic attacks while driving. For the last few years the panic attacks kept me confined to less than a seven mile radius from my home. But at that very moment when I realized I was driving with much ease, I knew my long difficult, agonizing bout with panic attacks had taken a new direction.
How would your life be effected if suddenly you were terrified to stand in line at the grocery store? Or perhaps ever time you started to drive on the highway you were overwhelmed with dizziness and fear. What if you were frightened beyond your control to go to the shopping mall? What if you woke up in the middle of the night with all the symptoms of a heart attack, you call 911 but no heart attack happenes , just your imagination. This may sound ridiculous or unbelievable, but sadly it is a true illness. The National Institute of Mental Health reports panic disorder strikes between three and six million Americans and is twice as common in women as in men.
Margaret Thatcher once said, “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it”. How very true this is. More than once I felt defeated, beaten down and destined to be confined by my own fears. However I was determined to win this battle no matter how long it took or how difficult it was.
And I did. Approximately a year after this driving success, I packed up and moved to Los Angeles. I drove every day on the freeway. Could there be a better city with extensive traffic to take on the fear of freeway driving? Today I can honestly say I am grateful for my experiences with an anxiety disorder. I will never forget the fear and panic I once lived with day to day. I transformed my anxiety to work for me not against me. It serves as a constant reminder that I am the one that controls my own life, not circumstances nor situations. I have learned that within myself lie the necessary tools and strength of my own happiness and freedom. Although, apparently there are many days I forget to acknowledge my successes. I guess I really need to lighten up on myself. Relax and keep reminding myself of my accomplishments and successes I have achieved.
NOTE TO SELF: "Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have." Doris Mortman
Sunday, July 19, 2009
MOTIVATION 1,2,3 - What' Your Source?
I’m doing the happy dance. I’m doing the haaaappy dance! I did it! I could not believe my eyes today when I stepped on the scale and I was down another 1.4 pounds. That puts me at 9 pounds in four weeks. OMG, I could hit the ten pound mark next week. I am so proud of myself; I went on a vacation, indulged, enjoyed and keep my goal in mind when choosing activities and it paid off! I felt no deprivation, I simply made better choices.
As I am enjoying my successes I have to stop and think, “What’s my source of motivation and how to do I keep tapping into it?” Getting motivated is easy. Staying motivated, well that’s a whole new ball game. The key word is NOT motivation, it is STAYING. I am a very impulsive person, getting motivated comes very easy to me. I am a very impulsive person, staying motivated is an ongoing, overwhelming challenge for me. Every avenue of my life gets it's power from my sources of motivation. It also can stop me cold in my tracks when I lose the motivation and drive to continue on. I am continually working hard on finding the balance in all areas but for now the growing awareness is key.
That old saying “misery loves company” rings true to me. Really it is not that I want everyone else to have my challenges with confidence, anxiety, fear or whatever my issue is for the week. It’s that I do not want to be the only one with issues. I want to know my issues are not unique to me. I want to know that I am normal because other people are weird too. Ha, I find this very funny as I like to consider myself just a bit different, colorful if you will, yet I want to know there are others out there with the same quirks as I. For example, like most people I was highly motivated when Oprah met Bob Greene and she made losing weight look so easy. She was looking so svelte in her new size 10 jeans. Wow she was amazing with her stamina and workouts. I wanted to be that fit too! But you can bet your bottom, nothing motivated me more than her admitted weight gain. Actually, it was not her recent weight gain, it was the conversation where she said she could not believe she was still discussing weight issues AGAIN! That she repeatedly lost, gained, struggled, lost, gained the same weight over and over again. Holy shit, I thought Oprah had possessed my mind and that it was my words coming out of Oprah’s mouth. I was so excited, if Oprah with all her power, wealth and resources still struggled with weight, then I was okay. Oprah was just like me. I was not alone in this struggle. That motivated the hell out of me.
One of the ongoing sources of motivation for my weight loss adventure (and trust me, it is an adventure) is the home page on my internet. My home page is Yahoo and I have the weather and all sorts of news. However, recently I moved, world, national, local and entertainment news lower on my page and I put two Weight Watcher posting board forums on the very top. It is the very first thing I see when I sign on the internet. The first forum board is titled: 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community – Needless to say the title alone caught my eye, loved the verbage. I am not sure when this forum was started, however, look at these statistics; Threads: 151,155, Posts: 2,539,235, Members: 78,725. Two friggin million posts. I am not alone! It’s not three fat chicks, it’s a million, plus!
As I read these titles I find comfort in knowing I am just like all the rest. It is not a secret “I struggle with my weight” society. It is a non exclusive society/club that millions belong to . Here is just a few of the post titles; Join me today to get back on track. New to this site, but not new to the struggles of weight loss. motivational tv for weight loss? struggling, need motivation. comfort food when you are sick. The second forum is a Weight Weight Watchers Forum. The lists of postings go on and on and I can relate to, or understand what the posting will be, without even reading it. I know, I have been there. I just find comfort and support in knowing I am not alone. That is an ongoing source of motivation for me. What motivates you? How do you keep it going? I'd love to hear your comments......
For me, first I define the areas that I need motivation to move forward. Second, I find ongoing sources of motivation. Third and most important, I take action!
NOTE TO SELF: Drop the misery – Happiness loves company too!
As I am enjoying my successes I have to stop and think, “What’s my source of motivation and how to do I keep tapping into it?” Getting motivated is easy. Staying motivated, well that’s a whole new ball game. The key word is NOT motivation, it is STAYING. I am a very impulsive person, getting motivated comes very easy to me. I am a very impulsive person, staying motivated is an ongoing, overwhelming challenge for me. Every avenue of my life gets it's power from my sources of motivation. It also can stop me cold in my tracks when I lose the motivation and drive to continue on. I am continually working hard on finding the balance in all areas but for now the growing awareness is key.
That old saying “misery loves company” rings true to me. Really it is not that I want everyone else to have my challenges with confidence, anxiety, fear or whatever my issue is for the week. It’s that I do not want to be the only one with issues. I want to know my issues are not unique to me. I want to know that I am normal because other people are weird too. Ha, I find this very funny as I like to consider myself just a bit different, colorful if you will, yet I want to know there are others out there with the same quirks as I. For example, like most people I was highly motivated when Oprah met Bob Greene and she made losing weight look so easy. She was looking so svelte in her new size 10 jeans. Wow she was amazing with her stamina and workouts. I wanted to be that fit too! But you can bet your bottom, nothing motivated me more than her admitted weight gain. Actually, it was not her recent weight gain, it was the conversation where she said she could not believe she was still discussing weight issues AGAIN! That she repeatedly lost, gained, struggled, lost, gained the same weight over and over again. Holy shit, I thought Oprah had possessed my mind and that it was my words coming out of Oprah’s mouth. I was so excited, if Oprah with all her power, wealth and resources still struggled with weight, then I was okay. Oprah was just like me. I was not alone in this struggle. That motivated the hell out of me.
One of the ongoing sources of motivation for my weight loss adventure (and trust me, it is an adventure) is the home page on my internet. My home page is Yahoo and I have the weather and all sorts of news. However, recently I moved, world, national, local and entertainment news lower on my page and I put two Weight Watcher posting board forums on the very top. It is the very first thing I see when I sign on the internet. The first forum board is titled: 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community – Needless to say the title alone caught my eye, loved the verbage. I am not sure when this forum was started, however, look at these statistics; Threads: 151,155, Posts: 2,539,235, Members: 78,725. Two friggin million posts. I am not alone! It’s not three fat chicks, it’s a million, plus!
As I read these titles I find comfort in knowing I am just like all the rest. It is not a secret “I struggle with my weight” society. It is a non exclusive society/club that millions belong to . Here is just a few of the post titles; Join me today to get back on track. New to this site, but not new to the struggles of weight loss. motivational tv for weight loss? struggling, need motivation. comfort food when you are sick. The second forum is a Weight Weight Watchers Forum. The lists of postings go on and on and I can relate to, or understand what the posting will be, without even reading it. I know, I have been there. I just find comfort and support in knowing I am not alone. That is an ongoing source of motivation for me. What motivates you? How do you keep it going? I'd love to hear your comments......
For me, first I define the areas that I need motivation to move forward. Second, I find ongoing sources of motivation. Third and most important, I take action!
NOTE TO SELF: Drop the misery – Happiness loves company too!
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Good or Bad – What’s Your Habit?
This morning as I was hitting my snooze button repeatedly trying to avoid getting up, I started thinking about habits. Good habits vs. Bad habits. I have many of both, good and bad habits. Not that they necessarily equal good with bad, but it’s amazing how damn hard it is to change a bad habit and how simple it is to drop a good habit. I am especially pondering this since tomorrow is my weigh in day and I am pretty confident the bad habits outweighed the good habits.
Actually I have been struggling trying to find the words to articulate what I am trying to say. Then I realized that a good habit is simply the absence of a bad habit or vice versa. Or perhaps a good habit is action and a bad habit is lack of action. In other words, if I consistently exercise on a regular basis, that’s a good habit. If I never exercise that’s a bad habit. The good habit has many positive results, like the release of endorphins, a stronger healthier body and overall better mood. The bad habit has negative results, like less energy, guilt, tighter clothes, etc. Yet I can drop that good habit in a flash and will struggle endless to try to get myself to turn that bad habit back into a good habit. And I would bet you know exactly what I am talking about.
A good habit I have is not allowing the junk mail to pile up on my desk. When it is a good habit, I open my mail immediately and toss all the junk. I put the bills into a pay folder, it is a very organized and easy system. It’s a good habit that keeps my desk tidy and eliminates the clutter all in less than five minutes. This should not be difficult to be consistent, it has all positive results. You know I bet I only practice this good habit a third of the time. All the other times with lack of action it becomes a “bad” habit and I let that crap pile up on my desk until there literally is not any place left to work. I only saved two to five minutes over a short period of time not addressing the junk mail when it came in. Then I will spend a few hours trying to unbury my desk. Good habit vs. bad habit does not even make sense.
Another good habit is eating a lot of salads. I love salads. I have a few different ones that I like to make. They are delicious, nutritious, they are easy and they are a great way to fill up without a lot of calories. Want to know how often I practice this good habit? Less than the good mail habit. It’s not like I prepare the same damn salad over and over. I have some pretty spectacular and yummy recipes. So why not? Because sometimes I just don’t feel like it? I think this could be only answered by a professional in which I would have spent numerous hours with.
Actually this list could go on and on and on, but I’m not quite sure I want to air all my dirty laundry. And I am pretty sure you would immediately discontinue following these posts. But you get the point. So I guess my best self advice is to just try to practice more good habits than bad and then I will be moving forward with the action.
NOTE TO SELF: Have a Salad Today!
Actually I have been struggling trying to find the words to articulate what I am trying to say. Then I realized that a good habit is simply the absence of a bad habit or vice versa. Or perhaps a good habit is action and a bad habit is lack of action. In other words, if I consistently exercise on a regular basis, that’s a good habit. If I never exercise that’s a bad habit. The good habit has many positive results, like the release of endorphins, a stronger healthier body and overall better mood. The bad habit has negative results, like less energy, guilt, tighter clothes, etc. Yet I can drop that good habit in a flash and will struggle endless to try to get myself to turn that bad habit back into a good habit. And I would bet you know exactly what I am talking about.
A good habit I have is not allowing the junk mail to pile up on my desk. When it is a good habit, I open my mail immediately and toss all the junk. I put the bills into a pay folder, it is a very organized and easy system. It’s a good habit that keeps my desk tidy and eliminates the clutter all in less than five minutes. This should not be difficult to be consistent, it has all positive results. You know I bet I only practice this good habit a third of the time. All the other times with lack of action it becomes a “bad” habit and I let that crap pile up on my desk until there literally is not any place left to work. I only saved two to five minutes over a short period of time not addressing the junk mail when it came in. Then I will spend a few hours trying to unbury my desk. Good habit vs. bad habit does not even make sense.
Another good habit is eating a lot of salads. I love salads. I have a few different ones that I like to make. They are delicious, nutritious, they are easy and they are a great way to fill up without a lot of calories. Want to know how often I practice this good habit? Less than the good mail habit. It’s not like I prepare the same damn salad over and over. I have some pretty spectacular and yummy recipes. So why not? Because sometimes I just don’t feel like it? I think this could be only answered by a professional in which I would have spent numerous hours with.
Actually this list could go on and on and on, but I’m not quite sure I want to air all my dirty laundry. And I am pretty sure you would immediately discontinue following these posts. But you get the point. So I guess my best self advice is to just try to practice more good habits than bad and then I will be moving forward with the action.
NOTE TO SELF: Have a Salad Today!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Stuff Stuff Stuff - Take It or Leave It?
Oh the decisions one must make about their “stuff”. What stuff to take. When, where to put the stuff away upon return. I have been home since Sunday from a five day trip and still have things to put away. Last week I was stressed out about what stuff to take. This week it’s about where the hell to put it. Geez, so much stuff and so many decisions.
First of all there is the stuff in your home, including your clothes. There is the extra stuff that is located somewhere out of your immediate reach yet it still resides within the closets and cupboards. Then there is the stuff that you are done using but have not emotionally detached from, this stuff is generally located in the garage, attic or shed, or in my case what does not fit in my shed, is then relocated to my Mother’s garage. Then there is the vacation, seasonal or recreational stuff such as decorations, camping gear, snow skis, fishing or other sports items. This kind of stuff can be located anywhere. Just stop and think about all of your stuff……
As I was getting ready to leave last week, I remember being so challenged about what to take and what to leave at home. I like to call it SSA = Stuff Separation Anxiety. Let’s start with the entertainment section of my packing. The giant stack of magazine went with. In addition to four library books. Now the logic behind that was, I did not want to be stuck in the woods and NOT have something good to read. So the forty seven magazines were not sufficient and apparently I really can’t judge a book by its cover. So I hauled all of them with me and then I hauled all of them back home. Never peeked into a magazine and never opened a book. Now I still have to put them away. Games included Mad Gab, Kismet, Yahtzee, three packs of cards, Boggle and Trivial Pursuit. First of all the only difference between Kismet and Yahtzee is the color of the dots on the dice. Other than that it is the same damn game. Maybe I thought I would be bored in the wilderness? I had twelve other people with me. We were having a blast visiting and enjoying the environment. Never played one game, I still have to put them all away.
Since there were so many of us traveling we had several conversations about who was bringing what. We were all staying in the same campsite. I knew what everyone was bringing, yet I can’t stand to be without so I took my camp stove, dishes, flatware and pans, of which not one was used. Now I still have to put them away. Food, oh Lord, that could be another entire post. The one thing I do not have left over is wine, but I am proud to report I still had some cheese left over!
Then there were all of the clothing decisions. This brought on stress because I had never been there before. On the other hand I have camped several hundred times, so I am not sure why I thought this would be different. I was gone for five days. I took three jeans, several T-shirts (long, short and mid length sleeves), sweatshirt. At least five pairs of shorts. Two, not one, two swimsuits (just in case I was having a skinny day). That’s right, a “skinny day”! Would that have been from all the cheese, the beer and or the wine? Like I said I have been camping before. Never put either suit on. I put them away, immediately! Nobody that is trying to lose weight wants their swimsuits laying around. I took five baseball hats (red, green, white, tan and black), I cannot even explain the thought behind that.
I packed cots, tent, sleeping bags, you name it and I had it. I am quite confident I could have stayed in the forest for several weeks with the food and supplies I took. However after I touted all my crap to the mountains I still forgot or packed too light on some items. Socks! Yep, I specifically remember putting socks back into my drawer because I was running out of room in my bag. Yes indeed I had two total pairs of socks. They were white when I left and very, very stinky and dirty when I came back. I forgot extra blankets – it was very chilly at night and I was oh so cold the first few nights. I usually take a knit cap to sleep in, however, I also specifically remember putting it back because I had too many hats already! The list goes on and on and on.
I am sure there is a pill for SSA, right? Although, if I would really just get back to the basics and simplify I am confident the symptoms would diminish. I would not have wasted hours of packing and unpacking. Focus on what the trip was about, prepare to enjoy the destination, take only the necessities and literally leave all the crap behind. This can apply to many various kinds of journeys and adventures. We all can get a bit overwhelmed with the stuff around us and then we simply lose our focus amongst the clutter.
NOTE TO SELF: It’s just stuff!
First of all there is the stuff in your home, including your clothes. There is the extra stuff that is located somewhere out of your immediate reach yet it still resides within the closets and cupboards. Then there is the stuff that you are done using but have not emotionally detached from, this stuff is generally located in the garage, attic or shed, or in my case what does not fit in my shed, is then relocated to my Mother’s garage. Then there is the vacation, seasonal or recreational stuff such as decorations, camping gear, snow skis, fishing or other sports items. This kind of stuff can be located anywhere. Just stop and think about all of your stuff……
As I was getting ready to leave last week, I remember being so challenged about what to take and what to leave at home. I like to call it SSA = Stuff Separation Anxiety. Let’s start with the entertainment section of my packing. The giant stack of magazine went with. In addition to four library books. Now the logic behind that was, I did not want to be stuck in the woods and NOT have something good to read. So the forty seven magazines were not sufficient and apparently I really can’t judge a book by its cover. So I hauled all of them with me and then I hauled all of them back home. Never peeked into a magazine and never opened a book. Now I still have to put them away. Games included Mad Gab, Kismet, Yahtzee, three packs of cards, Boggle and Trivial Pursuit. First of all the only difference between Kismet and Yahtzee is the color of the dots on the dice. Other than that it is the same damn game. Maybe I thought I would be bored in the wilderness? I had twelve other people with me. We were having a blast visiting and enjoying the environment. Never played one game, I still have to put them all away.
Since there were so many of us traveling we had several conversations about who was bringing what. We were all staying in the same campsite. I knew what everyone was bringing, yet I can’t stand to be without so I took my camp stove, dishes, flatware and pans, of which not one was used. Now I still have to put them away. Food, oh Lord, that could be another entire post. The one thing I do not have left over is wine, but I am proud to report I still had some cheese left over!
Then there were all of the clothing decisions. This brought on stress because I had never been there before. On the other hand I have camped several hundred times, so I am not sure why I thought this would be different. I was gone for five days. I took three jeans, several T-shirts (long, short and mid length sleeves), sweatshirt. At least five pairs of shorts. Two, not one, two swimsuits (just in case I was having a skinny day). That’s right, a “skinny day”! Would that have been from all the cheese, the beer and or the wine? Like I said I have been camping before. Never put either suit on. I put them away, immediately! Nobody that is trying to lose weight wants their swimsuits laying around. I took five baseball hats (red, green, white, tan and black), I cannot even explain the thought behind that.
I packed cots, tent, sleeping bags, you name it and I had it. I am quite confident I could have stayed in the forest for several weeks with the food and supplies I took. However after I touted all my crap to the mountains I still forgot or packed too light on some items. Socks! Yep, I specifically remember putting socks back into my drawer because I was running out of room in my bag. Yes indeed I had two total pairs of socks. They were white when I left and very, very stinky and dirty when I came back. I forgot extra blankets – it was very chilly at night and I was oh so cold the first few nights. I usually take a knit cap to sleep in, however, I also specifically remember putting it back because I had too many hats already! The list goes on and on and on.
I am sure there is a pill for SSA, right? Although, if I would really just get back to the basics and simplify I am confident the symptoms would diminish. I would not have wasted hours of packing and unpacking. Focus on what the trip was about, prepare to enjoy the destination, take only the necessities and literally leave all the crap behind. This can apply to many various kinds of journeys and adventures. We all can get a bit overwhelmed with the stuff around us and then we simply lose our focus amongst the clutter.
NOTE TO SELF: It’s just stuff!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Back From the Great Outdoors
I have returned from our camping trip in the Sierra Mountains. It was a fabulous trip! Thanks to Dalio and Riki for posting while I was out.
So on my last post dated July 6th, I was down another 1.4 pounds and my goal was to have a breakeven number on my next weigh in. Ha. Ha. Ha! Yeah, I must have been suffering from some pre vacation loss of all reality. Did I really think I was going to adventure into the great outdoors and not imbibe and partake like someone that was lost in the desert for a week or so? I was not only thirsty and starving, I was delusional.
Everything, I mean everything tastes better outdoors! Here is just a sample of some of the food I was enjoying. Beer, wine, wine, beer, cheese, cheese with crackers, cheese with tomatoes and basil, cheese with more cheese, cheese with salami, crackers with cream cheese topped with sweet heat habanero jams, steak, pasta with bolognaise sauce, pancakes. But thank god I did not eat any white bread or smores because I was taking it easy on the empty carbs. It was a food feast and I loved every moment of it!
In my defense, I did do some wonderful hiking on the Pacific Crest Trail. I attempted to do a run, however the altitude combined with the heat kicked my butt. Not the alcohol or food, just the altitude and heat! (More delusions).
I would get brave and just hop on my scale. However during my last ‘self make-over’; the one that I decided I would simply accept my ever so present muffin top that resides in quantity over every pair of pants I own. You know, that roll of squishy fat that hangs over the top of your pants. It is similar in appearance to a muffin top hanging over the container it was baked in, but not nearly as appetizing and yummy. So I simply tossed the damn scale out. Yes indeed, I was just going to learn to accept my body and improve self image by not being focused on the number on the scale. How’d that work out for me? I was up two sizes, my muffin top/waist line expanded by more than just a few inches AND I am in need of a new scale!
Although, after serious consideration I think I’ll pass on the new scale purchase. This will help keep me aware of what I eat and how much I exercise this week. Who knows maybe it will take a miracle to reach the goal of breaking even this week. Or maybe, just maybe the exercise helped and I can pull this one off. Friday will tell……
NOTE TO SELF: Believe in miracles!
So on my last post dated July 6th, I was down another 1.4 pounds and my goal was to have a breakeven number on my next weigh in. Ha. Ha. Ha! Yeah, I must have been suffering from some pre vacation loss of all reality. Did I really think I was going to adventure into the great outdoors and not imbibe and partake like someone that was lost in the desert for a week or so? I was not only thirsty and starving, I was delusional.
Everything, I mean everything tastes better outdoors! Here is just a sample of some of the food I was enjoying. Beer, wine, wine, beer, cheese, cheese with crackers, cheese with tomatoes and basil, cheese with more cheese, cheese with salami, crackers with cream cheese topped with sweet heat habanero jams, steak, pasta with bolognaise sauce, pancakes. But thank god I did not eat any white bread or smores because I was taking it easy on the empty carbs. It was a food feast and I loved every moment of it!
In my defense, I did do some wonderful hiking on the Pacific Crest Trail. I attempted to do a run, however the altitude combined with the heat kicked my butt. Not the alcohol or food, just the altitude and heat! (More delusions).
I would get brave and just hop on my scale. However during my last ‘self make-over’; the one that I decided I would simply accept my ever so present muffin top that resides in quantity over every pair of pants I own. You know, that roll of squishy fat that hangs over the top of your pants. It is similar in appearance to a muffin top hanging over the container it was baked in, but not nearly as appetizing and yummy. So I simply tossed the damn scale out. Yes indeed, I was just going to learn to accept my body and improve self image by not being focused on the number on the scale. How’d that work out for me? I was up two sizes, my muffin top/waist line expanded by more than just a few inches AND I am in need of a new scale!
Although, after serious consideration I think I’ll pass on the new scale purchase. This will help keep me aware of what I eat and how much I exercise this week. Who knows maybe it will take a miracle to reach the goal of breaking even this week. Or maybe, just maybe the exercise helped and I can pull this one off. Friday will tell……
NOTE TO SELF: Believe in miracles!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Only in Canada, eh?
As I write this I am on my way to visit my family in Cape Breton, a three hour drive from my home in Halifax. If you are reading this it means I was successful in my attempts to get on my parents "dial-up".
I left work early today. I had to. We have been inundated with clouds, rain, cold, wet, damp, overcast weather for the last - say three weeks. The sun finally graced us with it's presence yesterday, and I decided it was high time for me to get myself a little bit of Vitamin D lovin's.
So, I packed up my bags, hopped on a bus & headed downtown to wait for my drive to CB. I sat on the bus reflecting on how much fun my weekend home will be in the country. How excited my niece and nephew will be to see their "Antie Dale".
I was jolted out of my daydream when we happened upon a most spectacular sight to behold. I must tell you, not living or working downtown, I'm not affected much by the hype and excitement of events and happenings that go on in the summertime in downtown Halifax. As the bus went by the "commons", as it is so affectionately known - our large green-space intended for games of baseball, soccer, frisbee or just simply to hang out in, I couldn't help by feel the energy as I looked at the throngs of people mulling about. Sir Paul arrived in town today to perform at an outdoor concert tomorrow night. Worker bees were busily transforming the commons, setting up the stage (which I must say is quite impressive), cordoning off the perimeter, setting up beer tents and getting things in place for the 60+thousand fans.
As we continued downtown you could tell there had been a recent influx of people. Cars waiting at intersections for the masses to cross, people wandering around with various styles of cameras hanging around their necks, looking up and down the streets taking in the sights. It is sure to be a fantastic weekend. Sir Paul even admitted to coming to Halifax to coincide with our "Tall Ships 2009" festival, which starts next Thursday. He undoubtedly will partake in these festivities too. It all seems so overwhelmingly exciting - the buzz in the air is intoxicating, and I feel a little nostalgic for some live Beatle tunes that I grew up on, ones he will no doubt be performing tomorrow night. I wonder momentarily if I made the right decision to 'book out of town' in the hope for a more quiet and peaceful weekend of sun, sand & sea.
This is not Sir Paul's first visit. He and his then wife, Heather Mills-McCartney, were her a couple of years ago, though not on musician business. They came in protest - to speak out against something that has been in the culture of our aboriginal peoples for centuries - the annual seal hunt. Now I'm a firm believer that people should be entitled to their own opinion, but for some certain activists to use their fame status to make a point and for those that climb on the backs of those using the same - just seems a little 'fishy' to me. Oh yes, seals are very cute, but so are pigs and chickens. Why is he not up in arms against KFC, or Maple Lodge Farms. Is it because these animals are bred for a purpose - to be slaughtered? They've been given a death sentence before they've even been born? Well, I'm sorry Sir Paul, but murder is murder is murder. And for that matter, what about the poor innocent soy plants that never had a chance? Your diet of tofu & lentils is sure to offend someone. (Especially about 1/2 hour after you've finished eating...pfft!)
I guess you can say I feel strongly about culture. However, I also believe to each his own; as long as you are respectful and not 'forcing your will' or ideology on someone, fine. But to force his opinions on matters where, in my opinion he had no business, is just not cool. Is this why I choose not to go to his concert? Perhaps sub-consciously. Perhaps it was the couple of hundred of bucks I'd have to dish out to go. I'm really not sure.
When my bus finally made it downtown I decided to spend my afternoon in the Public Gardens...a lovely little garden spot with tonnes of greenery, a pond and a royal swan in the heart of the city. I noticed a lot of security and policemen around. Then I recognized a photographer from our local newspaper and realized - hey, Sir Paul must be staying at The Lord Nelson Hotel, right across from the Gardens. My heart began to pound when I thought I might just catch a glimpse of him - or better yet, have an opportunity to take his picture.
With camera in hand I sat in the park across from the hotel, waiting, and wondering. If I had the opportunity to take his picture, what would I say to him? "Thank you for letting me take your photograph, Sir Paul, I shall frame it and place it above my dining room table so you can look down on me while I feast on my freshly slaughtered sealmeat."
NOTE: This post is not intended to offend anyone, if it has, I apologize.
NOTE TO SELF: Try being a little easier on people.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
People watching? Don't mind if I do...
One of my favorite things to do is watch people. Sitting in thoughtful observation provides tons of entertainment, and even some valuable life lessons. Right? I mean, how can it not?!? We are an interesting species, and can be damn funny. For me, people watching speaks to our connectedness. We're all in this together. Plus it's a hobby you can take pretty much anywhere. A bar is one of the most fertile fields for people watching...even better, a bar with live music. Nothing screams "hey y'all, watch this" like the combination of alcohol and live music. It's the perfect storm. Most of the time, you see people going through the motions in shades of pale...all normal and mundane. Every now and then, you may be lucky enough to catch someone in a flash of vivid color - even if it's just a small glimpse. When I come across someone like that, I can't help but wonder...what's their story? I'm not here to judge or criticize. It's curiosity...what makes them tick? I'm fascinated.
Fittingly enough, this flash of color took place at the House of Blues in Chicago. For me, it was the last night of a girls' weekend, and we were all going our separate ways the next morning. We went in for a low key, "can't-go-to-bed-at-10pm-on-our-last-night-here" drink. The band had just ended their first set, and the last of the dinner crowd were finishing their meals. There was an ordinary couple sitting at a table just across from our booth. The guy - let's call him Beige - sat with his back to us, facing the (very tiny) dance floor. From the back, Beige looked to be in his 50's with thinning hair, and average build. At first glance, the woman - we'll call her Magenta - seemed bored. She was probably in her 40's, pleasant looking. She wore her shoulder length,dirty blond hair in bangs and layers. They were both dressed casually in jeans. They had finished dinner, and Magenta also sat facing the danced floor. She would turn toward the table once in a while and poke at the lemon in her glass with the straw. Finally she pulled the wedge of lemon out of the glass and set it on the coaster. It was a big glass. At that point, I though it was a glass of water with lemon. Later, I imagined it to be a giant gin and tonic.
As soon as the band came back from break, the place became a people watcher's smorgasbord...a veritable rainbow. It was hard to focus on just one spot. When I became distracted by all of the other options, Magenta showed up on the dance floor. She was doing a kind of pole dance with one of the columns that flanked the band. One of my friends had to point her out because all you could see were her arms hugging and caressing the column from the other side. Pretty soon, she wrapped a leg around the column. Beige, still in his chair, didn't flinch. I drifted off into distraction, again, when Magenta appeared on the wheelchair ramp across the room. She rode the railing like a wild ballet barre. No reaction from Beige.
Magenta wore herself out and came back to the table just before the band went on break - or maybe Beige shot a look that prompted her to sit down. She didn't stop dancing, though. I admired her uninhibited, drunken joy, and it was some of the best chair dancing I've seen. Beige sat motionless, still facing the band. I guess Magenta had worked up a sweat, because she pulled her sweater off over her head and tied it around her neck - preppy style. She wore a modest tank top under the sweater - or maybe it was an undershirt. Magenta sat for a moment, taking stock of her new look. Then, as if something still wasn't quite right, she lifted an elbow over her head, sniffed one armpit, then the other. She grabbed the lemon wedge from the table and rubbed it vigorously under each arm. She put the lemon back on the coaster and swiped her palms together in a gesture of satisfactory completion, as if to say, "There now, that's better."
I don't think Beige even noticed her lemony freshness. Maybe it was just something she did on occasion....
The waitress brought a piece of cake with a candle to the table and set it down in front of Magenta. She clapped her hands and tapped her feet with excitement. We didn't hear the waitress or Beige sing Happy Birthday, but Magenta didn't even seem to notice. She and Beige shared the piece of cake without speaking. The waitress brought the check. Beige put cash into the folder, and left the table for a few minutes. Magenta went through the money that Beige had left for the bill. She took some out and put it in her purse. Beige returned, and off they went...leaving us to wonder, but laughing too hard to really care.
Note to self: When life hands you lemons, freshen up.
Thanks for reading my post...and thank you Kathleen for pushing me in.
Fittingly enough, this flash of color took place at the House of Blues in Chicago. For me, it was the last night of a girls' weekend, and we were all going our separate ways the next morning. We went in for a low key, "can't-go-to-bed-at-10pm-on-our-last-night-here" drink. The band had just ended their first set, and the last of the dinner crowd were finishing their meals. There was an ordinary couple sitting at a table just across from our booth. The guy - let's call him Beige - sat with his back to us, facing the (very tiny) dance floor. From the back, Beige looked to be in his 50's with thinning hair, and average build. At first glance, the woman - we'll call her Magenta - seemed bored. She was probably in her 40's, pleasant looking. She wore her shoulder length,dirty blond hair in bangs and layers. They were both dressed casually in jeans. They had finished dinner, and Magenta also sat facing the danced floor. She would turn toward the table once in a while and poke at the lemon in her glass with the straw. Finally she pulled the wedge of lemon out of the glass and set it on the coaster. It was a big glass. At that point, I though it was a glass of water with lemon. Later, I imagined it to be a giant gin and tonic.
As soon as the band came back from break, the place became a people watcher's smorgasbord...a veritable rainbow. It was hard to focus on just one spot. When I became distracted by all of the other options, Magenta showed up on the dance floor. She was doing a kind of pole dance with one of the columns that flanked the band. One of my friends had to point her out because all you could see were her arms hugging and caressing the column from the other side. Pretty soon, she wrapped a leg around the column. Beige, still in his chair, didn't flinch. I drifted off into distraction, again, when Magenta appeared on the wheelchair ramp across the room. She rode the railing like a wild ballet barre. No reaction from Beige.
Magenta wore herself out and came back to the table just before the band went on break - or maybe Beige shot a look that prompted her to sit down. She didn't stop dancing, though. I admired her uninhibited, drunken joy, and it was some of the best chair dancing I've seen. Beige sat motionless, still facing the band. I guess Magenta had worked up a sweat, because she pulled her sweater off over her head and tied it around her neck - preppy style. She wore a modest tank top under the sweater - or maybe it was an undershirt. Magenta sat for a moment, taking stock of her new look. Then, as if something still wasn't quite right, she lifted an elbow over her head, sniffed one armpit, then the other. She grabbed the lemon wedge from the table and rubbed it vigorously under each arm. She put the lemon back on the coaster and swiped her palms together in a gesture of satisfactory completion, as if to say, "There now, that's better."
I don't think Beige even noticed her lemony freshness. Maybe it was just something she did on occasion....
The waitress brought a piece of cake with a candle to the table and set it down in front of Magenta. She clapped her hands and tapped her feet with excitement. We didn't hear the waitress or Beige sing Happy Birthday, but Magenta didn't even seem to notice. She and Beige shared the piece of cake without speaking. The waitress brought the check. Beige put cash into the folder, and left the table for a few minutes. Magenta went through the money that Beige had left for the bill. She took some out and put it in her purse. Beige returned, and off they went...leaving us to wonder, but laughing too hard to really care.
Note to self: When life hands you lemons, freshen up.
Thanks for reading my post...and thank you Kathleen for pushing me in.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
On Arachnophobia and Looking for a girl I once knew.
I was thrilled (and a little nervous) when Kathleen asked me to be a guest writer for her blog in her absence. I had to ask myself - what is it, right now, that’s important in my life. What can I convey in a few short paragraphs that will have the potential to mean something to someone who doesn’t even know me, and more importantly, to myself. Well, I came to a roadblock. And why? Because it’s been so long since I actually stopped, I mean really stopped, and listened to myself, that I didn’t know how to respond.
Fear, if used for its most core purpose - to keep us from imminent danger - is a very useful tool, but taken out of that context, fear holds us back from our goals. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear if we achieve our goals then ‘what happens next?’ And then there are the more common fears; spiders, snakes, heights. There has been much written on fear over the ages, and much more in the arguments of reasons to be fearful; conditioned, learned behavior, acquired responses to external stimulus. My viewpoint is that for the most part, even though they can be rationalized, fear and the reasons for fear are irrational, and really need to be treated as such.
I’ve been on this path of self-discovery for many years now, although more often than not, I have left my self behind, for fear of one thing or another. I’ve let stumbling blocks (fears) literally block my journey. I used to test myself to do better, to be better. Where did that girl go?
A parable: I had arachnophobia. It wasn’t rational, or logical; it was definitely a learned behavior from my mother’s extreme fear of spiders. It was at times debilitating and embarrassing; yet all along in the back of my mind I knew it did not make sense to me. Ten years ago I was working at a summer sea cadet camp in a very warm, very beautiful part of Nova Scotia where our ‘smoking room’ was out back of a building in a ‘fancy’ green army tent. On the first day, a very kindly (and very cute) young officer showed me the way to the tent, beside which an orb-weaver spider was happily sunning himself in the huge web he probably just finished building the night before. He was gigantic, as large as a golf ball. I froze. Perhaps I screamed. The cute officer giggled! I walked all the way around that tent to the other side for weeks to avoid that massive fear generator, all the while the very cute officer offering me kind words of wisdom, that I, over the years, have unfortunately let fall to the back of my mind. There really is nothing to fear. The spider is not going to harm you. Well, although I walked around to the other entrance of the tent for most of the summer, I pushed myself every day to get closer. I started at about a yard away and stared at him, each day spending a little more time with him and getting a little closer (and talking to him when no one else was around.) Eventually I did it! It was an unbelievably empowering, and magnificently freeing sensation, when at the end of our 6 week camp I actually let go of my fear of him. By the time I arrived back home, (possibly with the help of a beer or two) I actually let a spider (though much smaller) walk in my hand. Positively exhilarating!
That spider and I had a relationship that represented a heck of a lot more that just one little bug against a girl - it was a journey in liberating one-self, in trusting one-self and in knowing ones limits.
When I think back to that time of my life, and how free and at peace with myself I was, I can’t help but wonder what has happened between then and now; where did that girl go?
Well, I know she’s here somewhere, maybe I need another cute officer to come along and giggle at me – or maybe I just need to remember to giggle at myself!
Note to self: Recognize irrational fears & laugh at them! Fear only stagnation!
Fear, if used for its most core purpose - to keep us from imminent danger - is a very useful tool, but taken out of that context, fear holds us back from our goals. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear if we achieve our goals then ‘what happens next?’ And then there are the more common fears; spiders, snakes, heights. There has been much written on fear over the ages, and much more in the arguments of reasons to be fearful; conditioned, learned behavior, acquired responses to external stimulus. My viewpoint is that for the most part, even though they can be rationalized, fear and the reasons for fear are irrational, and really need to be treated as such.
I’ve been on this path of self-discovery for many years now, although more often than not, I have left my self behind, for fear of one thing or another. I’ve let stumbling blocks (fears) literally block my journey. I used to test myself to do better, to be better. Where did that girl go?
A parable: I had arachnophobia. It wasn’t rational, or logical; it was definitely a learned behavior from my mother’s extreme fear of spiders. It was at times debilitating and embarrassing; yet all along in the back of my mind I knew it did not make sense to me. Ten years ago I was working at a summer sea cadet camp in a very warm, very beautiful part of Nova Scotia where our ‘smoking room’ was out back of a building in a ‘fancy’ green army tent. On the first day, a very kindly (and very cute) young officer showed me the way to the tent, beside which an orb-weaver spider was happily sunning himself in the huge web he probably just finished building the night before. He was gigantic, as large as a golf ball. I froze. Perhaps I screamed. The cute officer giggled! I walked all the way around that tent to the other side for weeks to avoid that massive fear generator, all the while the very cute officer offering me kind words of wisdom, that I, over the years, have unfortunately let fall to the back of my mind. There really is nothing to fear. The spider is not going to harm you. Well, although I walked around to the other entrance of the tent for most of the summer, I pushed myself every day to get closer. I started at about a yard away and stared at him, each day spending a little more time with him and getting a little closer (and talking to him when no one else was around.) Eventually I did it! It was an unbelievably empowering, and magnificently freeing sensation, when at the end of our 6 week camp I actually let go of my fear of him. By the time I arrived back home, (possibly with the help of a beer or two) I actually let a spider (though much smaller) walk in my hand. Positively exhilarating!
That spider and I had a relationship that represented a heck of a lot more that just one little bug against a girl - it was a journey in liberating one-self, in trusting one-self and in knowing ones limits.
When I think back to that time of my life, and how free and at peace with myself I was, I can’t help but wonder what has happened between then and now; where did that girl go?
Well, I know she’s here somewhere, maybe I need another cute officer to come along and giggle at me – or maybe I just need to remember to giggle at myself!
Note to self: Recognize irrational fears & laugh at them! Fear only stagnation!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Working Out in the Great Outdoors
I hope everyone had a great 4th of July weekend. Hang on because it will be Thanksgiving before you know it.
I had my weigh in on Friday and kudos to me! Down another 1.4 pounds making a total of 7.6 at the end of week three. Did you check out the cute sliding scale on the right --------------->
Now the real challenge will be this week. I am leaving to go camping for the next several days. My goal is to NOT gain any weight. It’s going to be a real task to be active enough to burn the calories taken in. My next weigh in is July 17th. I swear here and now, I will do this trip and make it a break even week on the scale. My workouts may consist of lifting ice cold beers and jogging around the small eleven site campground in the sweltering heat with beer in hand, but if that’s what it takes, I sure as hell will do it….. NIKE….. DO IT!
I am open to any suggestions to help keep the moderation without deprivation during this trip. Please feel free to email me at NorCaliK@yahoo.com or post a comment. Funny or serious, I’d love to hear from you.
I have some guest writers that will be filling in, so please stay tuned. I promise they will bring a fun and new twist to the blog. In the meantime I will be writing away so I promise to have some good stories upon my return on July 13th.
NOTE TO SELF: Pack beer koozie to keep it cold on daily jogs
I had my weigh in on Friday and kudos to me! Down another 1.4 pounds making a total of 7.6 at the end of week three. Did you check out the cute sliding scale on the right --------------->
Now the real challenge will be this week. I am leaving to go camping for the next several days. My goal is to NOT gain any weight. It’s going to be a real task to be active enough to burn the calories taken in. My next weigh in is July 17th. I swear here and now, I will do this trip and make it a break even week on the scale. My workouts may consist of lifting ice cold beers and jogging around the small eleven site campground in the sweltering heat with beer in hand, but if that’s what it takes, I sure as hell will do it….. NIKE….. DO IT!
I am open to any suggestions to help keep the moderation without deprivation during this trip. Please feel free to email me at NorCaliK@yahoo.com or post a comment. Funny or serious, I’d love to hear from you.
I have some guest writers that will be filling in, so please stay tuned. I promise they will bring a fun and new twist to the blog. In the meantime I will be writing away so I promise to have some good stories upon my return on July 13th.
NOTE TO SELF: Pack beer koozie to keep it cold on daily jogs
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Have You Ever Suffered From Gymalleritis?
So I made it to the gym two days in a row. Big pat on my back, thank you very much. Since there are only two days left before my next weigh-in I have to make sure I am doing all possible to see a lower number on the scale. Although, I have to tell you that the strangest thing happened to me just before going to the gym . You know that sleepy crash feeling you get after you eat candy or a bunch of carbs and then you feel like you are so heavy and you barely can keep your eyes open? It’s like you can feel the blood sugar just drop off the charts and you would give anything for just a little nap? You fight to keep your eyes open and your head from bobbing forward. Your limbs are heavy and they are difficult to move. Well I think I have some type of condition in which this happens to me. It takes over at the mere thought of exercise. The closer to the exercise time, the more tired I become. Today I swear I was damn near comatose just minutes before heading out to the gym. It is awful this condition. I think it’s like an allergic reaction to fitness. It should be called something like; gymalleritis, because it is real and it happens to me, a lot…… Some days it takes over so much that I must lie down and rest instead of going to the gym.
Thank goodness there is an antidote which immediately reverses all symptoms and increases energy level……. Yep, it’s called exercise. I strongly encourage you to give it a try. It is amazing. It is invigorating and it is uplifting. It will instantly give you a whole new attitude. It’s only thinking about doing exercise that I do not like, because once I get going, I love it.
My Sister got me started on aqua aerobics. Let me tell you, it is a blast and a fantastic workout. I really don’t understand why the class is not in more of a demand. It is not for the old gals with the fancy swim caps. It is a real cardio workout. The Ab workouts yesterday were killer and I sure am feeling them today. Today I did another great cardio workout that I learned from one of the fitness TV shows. It is a pseudo indoor triathlon workout. You can mix it up with many variations. You can find several versions on the Internet or make your own up to meet your fitness needs. I often do; Exercise bike = burn 150 calories as fast as possible (trust me not as easy as it sounds), immediately get on the rowing machine and row for 2500 meters, next onto the treadmill for two miles. Another version is to do; bike 20 minutes – rowing 10 minutes – treadmill 20 minutes. You can then be in and out of the gym in an hour and get a fantastic workout. Google: indoor triathlon training for these type of workouts.
I thought it may be nice if I share some of my other sources for inspiration and motivation.
Another great source for information on fitness and nutrition with delicious recipes is the Realage by Dr. Oz and Dr. Roizen. I encourage you to check it out. There is the great article about how to undo a “Pig-Out Weekend” and since the 4th of July is this weekend I thought you might find it interesting. http://realage.typepad.com/food_bites/2007/07/pig-out-weekend.html
If you get the Discovery Health channel, they have two shows I never miss:
I Lost It and X-Weighted. Both are fabulous shows and here is the link to their website: http://health.discovery.com/
So there’s a little information for your back pocket. For me, I am keeping the focus going forward. You are welcome to jump on the bandwagon. We are taking a trip down a new lifestyle road.
NOTE TO SELF: Acknowledge your efforts. Today you took the best path possible towards your goal. Be proud!
Thank goodness there is an antidote which immediately reverses all symptoms and increases energy level……. Yep, it’s called exercise. I strongly encourage you to give it a try. It is amazing. It is invigorating and it is uplifting. It will instantly give you a whole new attitude. It’s only thinking about doing exercise that I do not like, because once I get going, I love it.
My Sister got me started on aqua aerobics. Let me tell you, it is a blast and a fantastic workout. I really don’t understand why the class is not in more of a demand. It is not for the old gals with the fancy swim caps. It is a real cardio workout. The Ab workouts yesterday were killer and I sure am feeling them today. Today I did another great cardio workout that I learned from one of the fitness TV shows. It is a pseudo indoor triathlon workout. You can mix it up with many variations. You can find several versions on the Internet or make your own up to meet your fitness needs. I often do; Exercise bike = burn 150 calories as fast as possible (trust me not as easy as it sounds), immediately get on the rowing machine and row for 2500 meters, next onto the treadmill for two miles. Another version is to do; bike 20 minutes – rowing 10 minutes – treadmill 20 minutes. You can then be in and out of the gym in an hour and get a fantastic workout. Google: indoor triathlon training for these type of workouts.
I thought it may be nice if I share some of my other sources for inspiration and motivation.
Another great source for information on fitness and nutrition with delicious recipes is the Realage by Dr. Oz and Dr. Roizen. I encourage you to check it out. There is the great article about how to undo a “Pig-Out Weekend” and since the 4th of July is this weekend I thought you might find it interesting. http://realage.typepad.com/food_bites/2007/07/pig-out-weekend.html
If you get the Discovery Health channel, they have two shows I never miss:
I Lost It and X-Weighted. Both are fabulous shows and here is the link to their website: http://health.discovery.com/
So there’s a little information for your back pocket. For me, I am keeping the focus going forward. You are welcome to jump on the bandwagon. We are taking a trip down a new lifestyle road.
NOTE TO SELF: Acknowledge your efforts. Today you took the best path possible towards your goal. Be proud!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Do You Have a Color or Is It Black or White?
Whenever I am in search of a topic, it seems to just be handed to me. This time I was paying attention to how “black or white” my thoughts and actions seem to be and I was wondering if I should write about them. Then I took a quiz on Facebook about what Michael Jackson song are you…. Guess what I was? You got it, Black or White. Waa-Laa my topic just handed to me.
The saying black or white really applies to many areas of my life. For example over the weekend I was a cleaning fool doing some quite extensive housework. I not only did laundry, I stripped all the bedding, washed it and hung it all on the clothesline to dry. I love, love nature’s fabreeze. Oh no I just realized I only did my bed. I totally skipped my daughter right over on that one. I guess I she might enjoy some naturally fabreezed bedding too. Oh well, maybe next week. Back to topic, I didn’t just vacuum, I moved the furniture to vacuum under. I didn’t just dust, I cleaned the blinds too. The bathroom, scrubbed from top to bottom. You get the picture. I was cleaning for hours, which is amazing because I live in a tiny house. As I was finishing up the final Mop and Glow coat in the kitchen, I tippy toed into the living room and plopped myself onto the couch. Whew, wee I thought "thank god that’s done." Then I listened to what I said, as if it never has to be done again. Did I really expect that because the house was clean, it would stay clean? Did I think that all messiness stopped just because I labored over removing it? Wholly shit, this is a huge revelation. My expectation was that if I cleaned the house, I did not expect to have clean again for a long long time because now it was extra clean. Of course, I wonder why I am frustrated when the next week the floors need to be cleaned again. It’s not about the tasks at hand, it is about the expectations that I have so distorted. The house is either clean or it is messy/dirty. FYI – this small house I live in is ten times harder to keep clean than any other place I have lived.
After some further thought, I realized that this black or white pattern applies in massive doses to my nutrition and exercise regime. I am either dieting or not. Which equals eating small balanced meals often or I just don’t stop eating. I am either exercising six times a week or I am not exercising seven days a week. Then I wonder why I am frustrated when goals are not met.
So the nutrition and exercise has been weighing heavy on my mind because next week we are going camping for five days. Now as you know from my previous postings that I really have an aversion to deprivation. I love camping and to me camping is food because food always tastes better outdoors. Then there is the beer when it’s hot and the wine with dinner, because you're camping. Then there are S’mores by the campfire, because you're camping. It goes on and on (at least in my mind). So I have been asking myself how I am going to get around the black or white, all or nothing mentality in order to have a successful day on the scale when I return. Not to mention, learning to live a more balanced life with a rosy hue?
Honestly, I don’t have the answer. And I don’t think there is a definitive answer. It’s about baby steps forward each day in the form of focus, planning, action, motivation and desire. So I have made a list of healthy food options along with a few sensible treats. I am researching hiking in the area. I’ll do some writing while I am there to help keep me focused. I have that huge stack of magazines I can take for motivation. Most importantly, I have the commitment to my blog that will help keep me on track and accountable.
This "life-makeover" is about finding the old me and transforming her into the person I have dreamt about being. It is a fact that the black or white, all or nothing is probably the reason behind many of the unattained goals and set-backs. New goal = new me.
NOTE TO SELF: Drop the Black and White, it’s time to add some color to you life.
The saying black or white really applies to many areas of my life. For example over the weekend I was a cleaning fool doing some quite extensive housework. I not only did laundry, I stripped all the bedding, washed it and hung it all on the clothesline to dry. I love, love nature’s fabreeze. Oh no I just realized I only did my bed. I totally skipped my daughter right over on that one. I guess I she might enjoy some naturally fabreezed bedding too. Oh well, maybe next week. Back to topic, I didn’t just vacuum, I moved the furniture to vacuum under. I didn’t just dust, I cleaned the blinds too. The bathroom, scrubbed from top to bottom. You get the picture. I was cleaning for hours, which is amazing because I live in a tiny house. As I was finishing up the final Mop and Glow coat in the kitchen, I tippy toed into the living room and plopped myself onto the couch. Whew, wee I thought "thank god that’s done." Then I listened to what I said, as if it never has to be done again. Did I really expect that because the house was clean, it would stay clean? Did I think that all messiness stopped just because I labored over removing it? Wholly shit, this is a huge revelation. My expectation was that if I cleaned the house, I did not expect to have clean again for a long long time because now it was extra clean. Of course, I wonder why I am frustrated when the next week the floors need to be cleaned again. It’s not about the tasks at hand, it is about the expectations that I have so distorted. The house is either clean or it is messy/dirty. FYI – this small house I live in is ten times harder to keep clean than any other place I have lived.
After some further thought, I realized that this black or white pattern applies in massive doses to my nutrition and exercise regime. I am either dieting or not. Which equals eating small balanced meals often or I just don’t stop eating. I am either exercising six times a week or I am not exercising seven days a week. Then I wonder why I am frustrated when goals are not met.
So the nutrition and exercise has been weighing heavy on my mind because next week we are going camping for five days. Now as you know from my previous postings that I really have an aversion to deprivation. I love camping and to me camping is food because food always tastes better outdoors. Then there is the beer when it’s hot and the wine with dinner, because you're camping. Then there are S’mores by the campfire, because you're camping. It goes on and on (at least in my mind). So I have been asking myself how I am going to get around the black or white, all or nothing mentality in order to have a successful day on the scale when I return. Not to mention, learning to live a more balanced life with a rosy hue?
Honestly, I don’t have the answer. And I don’t think there is a definitive answer. It’s about baby steps forward each day in the form of focus, planning, action, motivation and desire. So I have made a list of healthy food options along with a few sensible treats. I am researching hiking in the area. I’ll do some writing while I am there to help keep me focused. I have that huge stack of magazines I can take for motivation. Most importantly, I have the commitment to my blog that will help keep me on track and accountable.
This "life-makeover" is about finding the old me and transforming her into the person I have dreamt about being. It is a fact that the black or white, all or nothing is probably the reason behind many of the unattained goals and set-backs. New goal = new me.
NOTE TO SELF: Drop the Black and White, it’s time to add some color to you life.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
All Kinds of News.......
The Good News…….. I did it, down another 1.2 pound (s). Technically it is just a pound, but the weigh in person at Weight Watchers wrote down 1.2 and I will proudly take that point two! It’s a push in the right direction. Loss to date is 6.2 pounds after completing two weeks. Yippee!
The Bad News ..… I am now in negotiations with myself about getting in some exercise. I know full well it is an absolute necessity to maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle. It is a ridiculous negotiation, but I’m a betting person and I am confident there are some readers out there that know EXACTLY what I am talking about.
The Sad News … In my mind, and apparently it is only in my mind, I aspire to be an active, athletic woman. I love to run. I love to participate in competitive running. Yet, I have no ability to maintain the training regime. Whether it is fear of failure, fear of success, an over committed schedule, or anything else, I cannot seem to get over the hurdle to pull off a Nike and JUST DO IT! I do seem to be able to be consistent for about four or five weeks then unbeknownst to myself I just stop. I immediately turn back into Annie with all my tomorrows. Then its Baada bing, baada boom, I am back to square one. Which is de-motivating and all of a sudden I find myself back in the cycle of gaining the lost weight and quickly getting back out of shape!
As I am writing, I am listening to a Bon Jovi song playing in my head;
Well I am definitely a little broken and I am okay with that. I basically am trying to drum up some serious inspiration within to get myself motivated. To realize I don't have to be who I was. I can write a different history with the actions I take today. I honestly do want be who I think I am. So today I am that healthy, active, athletic woman. Whew, you are lucky because I just toyed with the idea of breaking in to a Helen Reddy song…….
The Best News Ever……. I know I can do it. I know I have it in me to overcome these obstacles. How? I need to remind myself that it’s about today. What can I do for me today? Does today fit into that healthy active lifestyle? It’s about the here and the now! Work on keeping the focus a bit closer to the day and let go of the big picture, what if’s. It’s about having a dream, a goal, a vision, an aspiration and to stop ignoring that. To do whatever is necessary to take the appropriate actions towards the goals. It is important to my success to listen to the voice within. To continually look for all sources of motivation and inspiration. And, when there are set backs as there will be… It’s okay. Pick it up, dust it off and get going again (the sooner the better).
NOTE TO SELF: Honor your achievements. Strive for your aspirations!
The Bad News ..… I am now in negotiations with myself about getting in some exercise. I know full well it is an absolute necessity to maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle. It is a ridiculous negotiation, but I’m a betting person and I am confident there are some readers out there that know EXACTLY what I am talking about.
The Sad News … In my mind, and apparently it is only in my mind, I aspire to be an active, athletic woman. I love to run. I love to participate in competitive running. Yet, I have no ability to maintain the training regime. Whether it is fear of failure, fear of success, an over committed schedule, or anything else, I cannot seem to get over the hurdle to pull off a Nike and JUST DO IT! I do seem to be able to be consistent for about four or five weeks then unbeknownst to myself I just stop. I immediately turn back into Annie with all my tomorrows. Then its Baada bing, baada boom, I am back to square one. Which is de-motivating and all of a sudden I find myself back in the cycle of gaining the lost weight and quickly getting back out of shape!
As I am writing, I am listening to a Bon Jovi song playing in my head;
“Take a look around. Tell me what you see. Is who you think you are, who you want to be? It's ok to feel a little broken….Everybody's broken, your alright. Just keep on going eyes wide open!”
Well I am definitely a little broken and I am okay with that. I basically am trying to drum up some serious inspiration within to get myself motivated. To realize I don't have to be who I was. I can write a different history with the actions I take today. I honestly do want be who I think I am. So today I am that healthy, active, athletic woman. Whew, you are lucky because I just toyed with the idea of breaking in to a Helen Reddy song…….
The Best News Ever……. I know I can do it. I know I have it in me to overcome these obstacles. How? I need to remind myself that it’s about today. What can I do for me today? Does today fit into that healthy active lifestyle? It’s about the here and the now! Work on keeping the focus a bit closer to the day and let go of the big picture, what if’s. It’s about having a dream, a goal, a vision, an aspiration and to stop ignoring that. To do whatever is necessary to take the appropriate actions towards the goals. It is important to my success to listen to the voice within. To continually look for all sources of motivation and inspiration. And, when there are set backs as there will be… It’s okay. Pick it up, dust it off and get going again (the sooner the better).
NOTE TO SELF: Honor your achievements. Strive for your aspirations!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Magazines - Do They Really Work?
Tomorrow is my weigh in day, end of week two. Even with all the ups and downs, evil mood swings and the pity pot I was resting on, it still was a decent week. Did I lose weight? Not sure as last week was a five pound loss so if anything has been lost, it will be a bonus. Also, I get my one day free as long as there is a lower number on the scale, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
I am constantly looking for ways to keep myself motivated. Recently I had some frequent flyer miles that were expiring and to the dismay of my mailman I cashed them in on magazine subscriptions. As I subscribed to these, it is with the best of intentions that I actually read them. I envision myself sitting back with a cup of tea, uninterrupted as I am relaxing with my feet up, slowly flipping through the pages and taking in all the fabulous advice. Since I am hell bent on making these positive and lasting changes in my life I figured the magazines would be a great incentive to keep me on target. I have a nice balance with Health, Body + Soul, Money, Wine Spectator and Sunset.
So far that relaxing scenario has not happened. The closest I have come is to shuffle though the stack and review the covers. As I am sitting here looking at them, I am trying to decide which one to read first. They all have amazing covers with gorgeous photos and catchy tag lines. Wow, this is more than motivation, I actually could be a whole new me in no time at all! Then I kind of wonder who they are targeting as their audience? Seriously check out just a few of the tag lines on these current issues:
1. Eat Your Way Slim
2. Shrink Your Belly (in just 9 minutes)
3. No-Sweat Workout
4. Dan Aykrod on Wine
5. Go from Fired to Hired
6. How to Profit in the New Economy
7. Walk a Little – Lose a Lot
8. The Healing Power of Wine
9. The Natural Cure for Cellulite
10.Create Your Perfect Space
Really? Really? Let me tell you, anyone that is interested in a “No-Sweat Workout”, or “Walking a Little to Lose A lot” is not interested in working out or maintaining a healthy lifestyle! "Eat Your Way Slim"? Who the hell are they targeting with that one? On A second thought, I tried to eat myself thin, oops, I gained thirty pounds. "Dan Aykrod on Wine"? Does that mean he’s drunk? Because if I was really interested in leaning about wines, I don’t think Dan Aykrod would be the expert I would turn to. "Profit in the New Economy". You mean the new busted economy? Profit, from who? Nobody has any damn money, so if you are making a profit from someone in this economy, isn’t that a bit immoral and isn’t that what got our economy into trouble?
I am hoping that I will soon get the opportunity to sit back, have my tea, put my feet up and absorb the wealth of information within these pages lined with beautiful photos. Because once I have read these magazines and follow the ever so simple, not time committing suggestions, no later than August, I should;
a. Have a flat stomach
b. More money in the bank,
c. Be 30 pounds lighter without breaking a sweat
d. Be healthier from red wine
e. Have smooth cellulite free legs
f. And be a whole new me
I will keep you posted as the transformations come about.
NOTE TO SELF: Read magazines ASAP!
I am constantly looking for ways to keep myself motivated. Recently I had some frequent flyer miles that were expiring and to the dismay of my mailman I cashed them in on magazine subscriptions. As I subscribed to these, it is with the best of intentions that I actually read them. I envision myself sitting back with a cup of tea, uninterrupted as I am relaxing with my feet up, slowly flipping through the pages and taking in all the fabulous advice. Since I am hell bent on making these positive and lasting changes in my life I figured the magazines would be a great incentive to keep me on target. I have a nice balance with Health, Body + Soul, Money, Wine Spectator and Sunset.
So far that relaxing scenario has not happened. The closest I have come is to shuffle though the stack and review the covers. As I am sitting here looking at them, I am trying to decide which one to read first. They all have amazing covers with gorgeous photos and catchy tag lines. Wow, this is more than motivation, I actually could be a whole new me in no time at all! Then I kind of wonder who they are targeting as their audience? Seriously check out just a few of the tag lines on these current issues:
1. Eat Your Way Slim
2. Shrink Your Belly (in just 9 minutes)
3. No-Sweat Workout
4. Dan Aykrod on Wine
5. Go from Fired to Hired
6. How to Profit in the New Economy
7. Walk a Little – Lose a Lot
8. The Healing Power of Wine
9. The Natural Cure for Cellulite
10.Create Your Perfect Space
Really? Really? Let me tell you, anyone that is interested in a “No-Sweat Workout”, or “Walking a Little to Lose A lot” is not interested in working out or maintaining a healthy lifestyle! "Eat Your Way Slim"? Who the hell are they targeting with that one? On A second thought, I tried to eat myself thin, oops, I gained thirty pounds. "Dan Aykrod on Wine"? Does that mean he’s drunk? Because if I was really interested in leaning about wines, I don’t think Dan Aykrod would be the expert I would turn to. "Profit in the New Economy". You mean the new busted economy? Profit, from who? Nobody has any damn money, so if you are making a profit from someone in this economy, isn’t that a bit immoral and isn’t that what got our economy into trouble?
I am hoping that I will soon get the opportunity to sit back, have my tea, put my feet up and absorb the wealth of information within these pages lined with beautiful photos. Because once I have read these magazines and follow the ever so simple, not time committing suggestions, no later than August, I should;
a. Have a flat stomach
b. More money in the bank,
c. Be 30 pounds lighter without breaking a sweat
d. Be healthier from red wine
e. Have smooth cellulite free legs
f. And be a whole new me
I will keep you posted as the transformations come about.
NOTE TO SELF: Read magazines ASAP!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Stressed or De-Stressed?
What is stress? No, really what is stress? I know what it does…. Stress can make you sick. Stress can make you fat. Stress can exhaust you and give you insomnia. Stress can provoke you to eat and eat and eat. Stress can make you mean, sad or even a bit crazy. Being stressed and overwhelmed leaves you feeling completely out of control of your own life. Maybe stress is the reason the term “beside yourself” came about.
What really sucks about stress is that it is simply the mind communicating to the body. Overload, overload – Danger Will Robinson, Danger. (Now I’m dating myself, eh?) Stress is what the body does when it fails to listen to the mind. If I really paid attention and was tuned into my mind-body connection I would hear that first warning of danger. Of course then I would have to take appropriate action to immediately eliminate the stressful situation. However, that is so NOT the case these days. Nope, lately, I seem to be walking around with my head so far up….. so for far up, okay let’s say the clouds, that I have completely disconnected my mind and body.
I tend to invite and welcome stress into my life. You do not need to be a shrink, a doctor or even Oprah to know that this is not a good thing. It is most important for me to have my head in tact on my shoulders with the ability to communicate. Especially since I am on this mission of “finding me” and making sure I am a smaller version when I do locate myself. It’s like I have to work hard to NOT hear myself and this is not in line with my personal mission statement.
In some twisted way this habit of inviting stress into my life must have started with some form of self preservation that went haywire along the way. In line with the detrimental behavior of comfort eating, stress worked its way in, settled down and has become a regular resident in my life. So what do I do? Is there a specific stress eliminator action to take? Other than the stuff like Yoga, massage, spiritual practices, etc., which are all wonderful. However, with a bit of thought these are aids to help deal with the stress. What I am interested in is reducing and eventually eliminating the stress.
I say its time for me (and maybe you too) to take control of my own life. Clear the calendar! Practice and learn how to say no! It’s okay to say yes to me. I honestly believe taking away some of my commitments is the first and most necessary step towards my mission. I had began this process, I just don’t think I truly understood how important it is to the overall success of me finding me.
NOTE TO SELF: No changes can be permanent if I still am living a stressful life.
What really sucks about stress is that it is simply the mind communicating to the body. Overload, overload – Danger Will Robinson, Danger. (Now I’m dating myself, eh?) Stress is what the body does when it fails to listen to the mind. If I really paid attention and was tuned into my mind-body connection I would hear that first warning of danger. Of course then I would have to take appropriate action to immediately eliminate the stressful situation. However, that is so NOT the case these days. Nope, lately, I seem to be walking around with my head so far up….. so for far up, okay let’s say the clouds, that I have completely disconnected my mind and body.
I tend to invite and welcome stress into my life. You do not need to be a shrink, a doctor or even Oprah to know that this is not a good thing. It is most important for me to have my head in tact on my shoulders with the ability to communicate. Especially since I am on this mission of “finding me” and making sure I am a smaller version when I do locate myself. It’s like I have to work hard to NOT hear myself and this is not in line with my personal mission statement.
In some twisted way this habit of inviting stress into my life must have started with some form of self preservation that went haywire along the way. In line with the detrimental behavior of comfort eating, stress worked its way in, settled down and has become a regular resident in my life. So what do I do? Is there a specific stress eliminator action to take? Other than the stuff like Yoga, massage, spiritual practices, etc., which are all wonderful. However, with a bit of thought these are aids to help deal with the stress. What I am interested in is reducing and eventually eliminating the stress.
I say its time for me (and maybe you too) to take control of my own life. Clear the calendar! Practice and learn how to say no! It’s okay to say yes to me. I honestly believe taking away some of my commitments is the first and most necessary step towards my mission. I had began this process, I just don’t think I truly understood how important it is to the overall success of me finding me.
NOTE TO SELF: No changes can be permanent if I still am living a stressful life.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Do You Put Your Mean Girl In Her Place?
Geez, I am having a tough time being around myself today. It’s like everything just pisses me off for no reason. If I wrote Dr. Jeykel and Mr. Hyde, today it would be titled; Dr. Lovinlyfe and Ms. Whynneebytch. I certainly feel like two people morphed into my body and it is hard to take. Grrrr I say, Grrrrrr
I understand the “everyone has bad days” scenario. Or “along with the sunshine comes a little rain sometime” but today I am in no mood to try to change the attitude. I guess what adds fuel to the fire is the fact there is no apparent or obvious reason. It’s just that kind of day. Everybody has them and today is mine. However if I was to place odds on the mood provoker, it would have something to do with no longer using food as comfort and cutting back on evenings with yummy red wine. Boo Hoo… I want my food, wine and weight loss too! Wah Wah Wah.
For all those skinny ones out there that have never used food for comfort, be grateful that you have no ieda what I am taking about. As I am heading into week two of my healthy lifestyle, I refuse to give in. It is a fact, the second you decide you are NOT giving into a craving it starts to diminish. A craving will haunt you only as along as you are toying with the should I? Or should I not give in notion. As mean as I am today, I will stay strong!
As I write this I am confident my teenage daughter is off to the store to buy me a dark chocolate candy or ice cream and will be standing outside the store hoping to find someone to buy me a very nice bottle of wine! Or maybe she just went for a bike ride to stay clear from my grumbling at everything I try to do today.
If you read my last entry you know I made this one free day rule, well now I want that day to be today. But I can’t do that because when I made that rule, I promised if I gave myself that one day of freedom, I would do everything else necessary to stay focused on the goal. And a promise is a promise, especially to myself.
Yes, there will be tough days. Yes, I will eventually develop new healthy habits. Yes, it will get easier. I quit smoking several years ago, I sure as hell can learn to not use food as a comfort crutch. Logically, I could go out for a nice run or head out to the beach or even go read a book in order to change up the focus. So with that written, I believe I should take my own damn advice and finish this day off with a happy note to self.
NOTE TO SELF: Put it all in perspective. Food is not therapy. Food is not recreation. Food is nutrition. Period.
I understand the “everyone has bad days” scenario. Or “along with the sunshine comes a little rain sometime” but today I am in no mood to try to change the attitude. I guess what adds fuel to the fire is the fact there is no apparent or obvious reason. It’s just that kind of day. Everybody has them and today is mine. However if I was to place odds on the mood provoker, it would have something to do with no longer using food as comfort and cutting back on evenings with yummy red wine. Boo Hoo… I want my food, wine and weight loss too! Wah Wah Wah.
For all those skinny ones out there that have never used food for comfort, be grateful that you have no ieda what I am taking about. As I am heading into week two of my healthy lifestyle, I refuse to give in. It is a fact, the second you decide you are NOT giving into a craving it starts to diminish. A craving will haunt you only as along as you are toying with the should I? Or should I not give in notion. As mean as I am today, I will stay strong!
As I write this I am confident my teenage daughter is off to the store to buy me a dark chocolate candy or ice cream and will be standing outside the store hoping to find someone to buy me a very nice bottle of wine! Or maybe she just went for a bike ride to stay clear from my grumbling at everything I try to do today.
If you read my last entry you know I made this one free day rule, well now I want that day to be today. But I can’t do that because when I made that rule, I promised if I gave myself that one day of freedom, I would do everything else necessary to stay focused on the goal. And a promise is a promise, especially to myself.
Yes, there will be tough days. Yes, I will eventually develop new healthy habits. Yes, it will get easier. I quit smoking several years ago, I sure as hell can learn to not use food as a comfort crutch. Logically, I could go out for a nice run or head out to the beach or even go read a book in order to change up the focus. So with that written, I believe I should take my own damn advice and finish this day off with a happy note to self.
NOTE TO SELF: Put it all in perspective. Food is not therapy. Food is not recreation. Food is nutrition. Period.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Do You Know The Rules to Your Game?
I have been playing the weight game for the last eight days and I actually scored a touchdown on the scale this week. Yippee! I lost five pounds after completing my first Weight Watchers weigh in. Let me clarify, this is not my FIRST weigh in, it is my first one THIS time. I never really understood why it’s said the first few pounds shed are just water (sounds like a jealous bitch made that one up). I really don’t care what you call it. What it is, is a lower number than last week on the scale. Since the name of my game is weight loss, it’s a score and I am doing the end zone happy dance.
It’s been proven over and over and over, if you simply follow the Weight Watchers guidelines you will successfully lose weight. If you keep playing by the rules once you scored your final goal on the scale you will maintain your weight loss. Exactly like a Nike commercial…. “Just Do It!”
When I play the weight game, I struggle with following the rules. For some reason I think “this time will be different” as I allow my self to change rules and the game plan. I think I have this privilege because I hold all positions and ownership of this team. The problem is my abuse of power generally gets me into trouble. If I bend the rules long and hard enough, eventually I knock myself right out of the game.
It should be simple to follow these very basic rules.
Do not exceed X number of points per day (calories)
Eat anything you want in limited portions
Eat fresh fruits, vegetables and whole grains
Exercise regularly (4 times per week is good)
Drink plenty of water
Get plenty of rest
Write down everything you eat + all exercise
Plan ahead and you plan for success.
This is not brain surgery. It is a healthy lifestyle that practices moderation. Why on earth I have to make such a big deal about it, I just don’t understand. Yesterday immediately after I weighed in, I decided that I would give myself the old “one free day” rule. Logically, I know that puts me at risk, yet I choose to take weigh in day off from keeping track of what I eat as long as there is a loss on the scale that day. This could go either way. I guess only time will tell. But that’s it, today I put my foot down and no more changing the game. I am geared up for success.
So I remind myself the past has passed and today I have the opportunity to create a new and different history. Pulling all the strength I have to no longer bend the rules but to play the game as it was intended and maybe, just maybe I will stay on this winning streak and totally win the game!
NOTE TO SELF: Just Do It! No, really just do it!
It’s been proven over and over and over, if you simply follow the Weight Watchers guidelines you will successfully lose weight. If you keep playing by the rules once you scored your final goal on the scale you will maintain your weight loss. Exactly like a Nike commercial…. “Just Do It!”
When I play the weight game, I struggle with following the rules. For some reason I think “this time will be different” as I allow my self to change rules and the game plan. I think I have this privilege because I hold all positions and ownership of this team. The problem is my abuse of power generally gets me into trouble. If I bend the rules long and hard enough, eventually I knock myself right out of the game.
It should be simple to follow these very basic rules.
Do not exceed X number of points per day (calories)
Eat anything you want in limited portions
Eat fresh fruits, vegetables and whole grains
Exercise regularly (4 times per week is good)
Drink plenty of water
Get plenty of rest
Write down everything you eat + all exercise
Plan ahead and you plan for success.
This is not brain surgery. It is a healthy lifestyle that practices moderation. Why on earth I have to make such a big deal about it, I just don’t understand. Yesterday immediately after I weighed in, I decided that I would give myself the old “one free day” rule. Logically, I know that puts me at risk, yet I choose to take weigh in day off from keeping track of what I eat as long as there is a loss on the scale that day. This could go either way. I guess only time will tell. But that’s it, today I put my foot down and no more changing the game. I am geared up for success.
So I remind myself the past has passed and today I have the opportunity to create a new and different history. Pulling all the strength I have to no longer bend the rules but to play the game as it was intended and maybe, just maybe I will stay on this winning streak and totally win the game!
NOTE TO SELF: Just Do It! No, really just do it!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Does Someone Make A Difference in Your Life?
Today, I actually was feeling a bit down in the dumps and at a loss for words to write. It was errands after work and of course I look like a very stressed out mess with flat greasy hair, chubby girl pants, really overall ratty looking and yes, I kept running into people I know. Where are they when I just walk out of the salon? Or I am sporting a new outfit? They are never around even if you go out of your way to try and run into someone you won't. Anyway, I was tired and grumpy and hungry. Wah Wah Wah! I made it though the errands and was going to skip writing tonight. I went to go into my room to turn on the TV, and I found this note from my fourteen year old daughter. Today was her last day of school. I am a full time single parent. Her father does not live in the area so most of the time it is just the two of us. Here is what she wrote word for word……….
Mommy,
Mrs. Jackson told us this story today:
A man who owned a restaurant realized that people are underestimated and should be recognized for all the great things they do. So he told his employees that they make a difference in his life because they helped him and he was thankful for all of their work. A man was so shocked, he went home and told his son. Then he told his son he was thankful for him, that he loved him and that he was proud of him. The boy was amazed and then gave his dad a note. The note was a suicide letter and because the boy believed the dad no longer cared about him. But what the dad said saved his life. The father wanted to help other so he started an organization called “You Make A Difference.”
The reason I am telling you this is because I felt that you of all people make a difference in my life. I am so proud of everything you do and I am so glad you are the strong, beautiful great Mom that I have because if it was not for you, I would not be the person I am today. You always tell me to follow my dreams and trust my heart and you back me up 100% at anything.
So I wanted to let you know that I love you so much and that you make such a big difference in my life. You inspire me to be healthy and strong. I always admire your strength to continue your battle with your weight and I know it is hard but I want you to be here when I have kids so they can see what a wonderful, passionate and driven woman their grandma is. You make SUCH a big difference in my life and I love you! XOXO
NOTE TO SELF: Tell those in your life they make a difference and how grateful you are.
Mommy,
Mrs. Jackson told us this story today:
A man who owned a restaurant realized that people are underestimated and should be recognized for all the great things they do. So he told his employees that they make a difference in his life because they helped him and he was thankful for all of their work. A man was so shocked, he went home and told his son. Then he told his son he was thankful for him, that he loved him and that he was proud of him. The boy was amazed and then gave his dad a note. The note was a suicide letter and because the boy believed the dad no longer cared about him. But what the dad said saved his life. The father wanted to help other so he started an organization called “You Make A Difference.”
The reason I am telling you this is because I felt that you of all people make a difference in my life. I am so proud of everything you do and I am so glad you are the strong, beautiful great Mom that I have because if it was not for you, I would not be the person I am today. You always tell me to follow my dreams and trust my heart and you back me up 100% at anything.
So I wanted to let you know that I love you so much and that you make such a big difference in my life. You inspire me to be healthy and strong. I always admire your strength to continue your battle with your weight and I know it is hard but I want you to be here when I have kids so they can see what a wonderful, passionate and driven woman their grandma is. You make SUCH a big difference in my life and I love you! XOXO
NOTE TO SELF: Tell those in your life they make a difference and how grateful you are.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
What's Your "Thing"?
As I am working towards revamping my life I have diligently been taking responsibilities off of my plate. I have resigned from the Executive Board of a local non profit as well as being the 4-H Community Leader and various other commitments. Whew, it is not easy for someone like me that has a Super Mom complex and is addicted to avoiding themselves by giving away every moment of free time. Now the blog today has nothing to do with time management, commitments, or stress, nope it is about things you can’t let go of.
Weird, odd, things. Things with no connection as to why the hell you hang on to them. I am not talking about collections as a hobby or things you display in your home. I am talking about peculiar stuff. For example my Mother must steal a pen every time she signs something at the bank, store, Dr. ‘s office or where ever else a pen is placed in her hand. She has jars of pens everywhere in her home. In the laundry room, in the kitchen, on the dining room table, in the living room, her bedroom and in the guest bedroom and her spare room (it does not qualify as a bedroom because it is full of crap and there is no bed) there are several jars all stuffed with pens in those rooms. It is not unusual to see a few loose pens lying on the bathroom counter. I have questioned her more than several times; “Mom, why all the pens?” Same old answer “I might need one”. I could go on and on with this conversation but it still goes nowhere. My Mom just cannot let go of a pen. Often I have asked her why she doesn’t donate them to a school or charity because certainly one person does not need four hundred pens. But you know what? It’s her “thing” and she has no desire to let go of them.
It’s funny, my Sister is an extremely neat knick, never ever a thing out of place in her home. Tidy, tidy are her drawers, cupboards, closets and garage, ALWAYS! The other day I was at her house and we were looking for something in the hall closet. As she opened the door to the closet I just cracked up. She had almost an entire shelf of candles (all burned to some degree). Now this made no sense what so ever. She has candles all over her house and I can see keeping a few extras in case of a power outage, but I am talking she devoted an entire shelf in her closet for her half burned candles. “Whoa Sis, what’s up with all the candles” I asked. She smiled and replied “you never know when you’ll need them and I still like the colors”. I know this translated into “It’s my thing and I cannot let go of them”.
As I was preparing files and folders and all sorts of things to pass on to the people that are filling my various positions I came across a very interesting collection of my own. Apparently I am a klepto of offices supplies. Yep I never realized it before, that I am a paper clip, staples, file folder hoarding office supply thief. To all my past employers, I think I must owe you an apology! Geez, I mean I realized I have five boxes of staples that I took when a company I was working for eight years ago went bankrupt. It’s not just staples, I have file folders, sheet protectors, envelopes so old that they are sealed, 3x5 cards, tablets, you name it, except for tape, and I have it. I could open my own office supply store at this point.
What’s a bit sad or actually embarrassing is the fact that I have not worked in an office or outside my home in more than five years. It’s funny because now that I am aware of yet one more little quirk I have, I just stop, slowly shake my head and get a good laugh at myself when I open a desk drawer or cupboard to find it stuffed with office supplies. What can I say, it’s my “Thing” and I just cannot let go of them. So what’s you “Thing”?
NOTE TO SELF: Take your own advice. Donate the office supplies to a school or charity
Weird, odd, things. Things with no connection as to why the hell you hang on to them. I am not talking about collections as a hobby or things you display in your home. I am talking about peculiar stuff. For example my Mother must steal a pen every time she signs something at the bank, store, Dr. ‘s office or where ever else a pen is placed in her hand. She has jars of pens everywhere in her home. In the laundry room, in the kitchen, on the dining room table, in the living room, her bedroom and in the guest bedroom and her spare room (it does not qualify as a bedroom because it is full of crap and there is no bed) there are several jars all stuffed with pens in those rooms. It is not unusual to see a few loose pens lying on the bathroom counter. I have questioned her more than several times; “Mom, why all the pens?” Same old answer “I might need one”. I could go on and on with this conversation but it still goes nowhere. My Mom just cannot let go of a pen. Often I have asked her why she doesn’t donate them to a school or charity because certainly one person does not need four hundred pens. But you know what? It’s her “thing” and she has no desire to let go of them.
It’s funny, my Sister is an extremely neat knick, never ever a thing out of place in her home. Tidy, tidy are her drawers, cupboards, closets and garage, ALWAYS! The other day I was at her house and we were looking for something in the hall closet. As she opened the door to the closet I just cracked up. She had almost an entire shelf of candles (all burned to some degree). Now this made no sense what so ever. She has candles all over her house and I can see keeping a few extras in case of a power outage, but I am talking she devoted an entire shelf in her closet for her half burned candles. “Whoa Sis, what’s up with all the candles” I asked. She smiled and replied “you never know when you’ll need them and I still like the colors”. I know this translated into “It’s my thing and I cannot let go of them”.
As I was preparing files and folders and all sorts of things to pass on to the people that are filling my various positions I came across a very interesting collection of my own. Apparently I am a klepto of offices supplies. Yep I never realized it before, that I am a paper clip, staples, file folder hoarding office supply thief. To all my past employers, I think I must owe you an apology! Geez, I mean I realized I have five boxes of staples that I took when a company I was working for eight years ago went bankrupt. It’s not just staples, I have file folders, sheet protectors, envelopes so old that they are sealed, 3x5 cards, tablets, you name it, except for tape, and I have it. I could open my own office supply store at this point.
What’s a bit sad or actually embarrassing is the fact that I have not worked in an office or outside my home in more than five years. It’s funny because now that I am aware of yet one more little quirk I have, I just stop, slowly shake my head and get a good laugh at myself when I open a desk drawer or cupboard to find it stuffed with office supplies. What can I say, it’s my “Thing” and I just cannot let go of them. So what’s you “Thing”?
NOTE TO SELF: Take your own advice. Donate the office supplies to a school or charity
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Are We There, YET?
Patience, patience, makes me a mental patient. Seriously, these are a few of the thoughts that have passed through my head at various times today. (For those of you just joining the Blog, On Sunday I started back on Weight Watchers and am in the process of dropping three or four sizes).
1. Why are my pants not fitting a bit looser? It has been what, how long now? Then I count back, One. Two. Oh, so it has only been two days? Wow, it sure feels longer. It really does feel longer.
2. Oooh – I think my skin is looking so much younger since I started eating healthier. Again it has been two days! Count them one, two days. I am like a bad infomercial selling a miracle in a jar and what’s worse, I am buying it!
3. I wonder if I should dig out those cute white Capri pants, maybe they will fit now. (They are a size 8, as of yesterday I was still sporting a 12). Again, it has been two frigging days, what the hell is wrong with me?
4. I should probably try to get my six mile run in this week. (Thinking that I was already back to the fitness level I was at two months ago) because I did do one solid workout on Sunday.
5. Do you think my metabolic rate is increasing? I feel like I am burning more calories.
Can you imagine? No wonder I have been struggling with myself. My perception is so distorted there is nothing realistic about it. I believe I must have gained those thirty pounds one too many times and it has cause brain damage. Obviously my patience has been completely erased from my brain! To be clear, I catch myself and stop cold in my tracks when these absurd thoughts invade my mind. WOW…. Talk about needing to get a grip on reality.
So I need to sit back, take a deep breath and just relax. Let it just be. Because we all know - it is, what it is. I should keep focused on today and eventually the day will come when the pants will fit. When go I out for a six mile run without a second thought. And honestly my skin looks just fine, today.
NOTE TO SELF: Relax and enjoy the journey. You’ll arrive in due time.
1. Why are my pants not fitting a bit looser? It has been what, how long now? Then I count back, One. Two. Oh, so it has only been two days? Wow, it sure feels longer. It really does feel longer.
2. Oooh – I think my skin is looking so much younger since I started eating healthier. Again it has been two days! Count them one, two days. I am like a bad infomercial selling a miracle in a jar and what’s worse, I am buying it!
3. I wonder if I should dig out those cute white Capri pants, maybe they will fit now. (They are a size 8, as of yesterday I was still sporting a 12). Again, it has been two frigging days, what the hell is wrong with me?
4. I should probably try to get my six mile run in this week. (Thinking that I was already back to the fitness level I was at two months ago) because I did do one solid workout on Sunday.
5. Do you think my metabolic rate is increasing? I feel like I am burning more calories.
Can you imagine? No wonder I have been struggling with myself. My perception is so distorted there is nothing realistic about it. I believe I must have gained those thirty pounds one too many times and it has cause brain damage. Obviously my patience has been completely erased from my brain! To be clear, I catch myself and stop cold in my tracks when these absurd thoughts invade my mind. WOW…. Talk about needing to get a grip on reality.
So I need to sit back, take a deep breath and just relax. Let it just be. Because we all know - it is, what it is. I should keep focused on today and eventually the day will come when the pants will fit. When go I out for a six mile run without a second thought. And honestly my skin looks just fine, today.
NOTE TO SELF: Relax and enjoy the journey. You’ll arrive in due time.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Is your Sense of Humor Intact?
I want to thank everyone for the fantastic feedback on my first few entries. I hope you know this is just intended to be fun and look for the humor in all the situations life puts before us. If I loose my sense of humor (as peculiar and obscure as it may be) it will be the end of me. Honestly, I can find something funny in everything, especially myself! I do crack myself up and frequently am amazed by the actions and choices I make in my own life. Some logical, some emotional, some with no rhyme or reason.
One of the things that stood out in your comments is how you could relate to my situation(s). Or how happy you were to know someone else has the same issues, quirks or habits. Isn’t that the truth? We all want to know that we are not weird or unusual. Which is a bit ironic since most of us strive to be unique individuals. Yet we only want to share the good stuff, the stuff that people go “Wow” isn’t that wonderful? No one wants to air the dirty laundry as funny as it truly can be. Nobody wants to share their odd little habits, failures or struggles, it makes them “look bad”. OOOHHHH - What will people think? Think Smink is what I say. Have fun with life!
I am here to tell you. I am letting my guard down and I will share all of me, with whomever the hell is willing to read this blog. It will be fun. It will be funny. And, there is a very strong chance you will feel a whole lot better about yourself as you read through my adventures and my challenges. So stick around, I am on a mission and it’s not impossible (okay, that was not funny, I know but I had to do it).
Until tomorrow............
NOTE TO SELF: The humor is there. If you can’t find it, look harder!
One of the things that stood out in your comments is how you could relate to my situation(s). Or how happy you were to know someone else has the same issues, quirks or habits. Isn’t that the truth? We all want to know that we are not weird or unusual. Which is a bit ironic since most of us strive to be unique individuals. Yet we only want to share the good stuff, the stuff that people go “Wow” isn’t that wonderful? No one wants to air the dirty laundry as funny as it truly can be. Nobody wants to share their odd little habits, failures or struggles, it makes them “look bad”. OOOHHHH - What will people think? Think Smink is what I say. Have fun with life!
I am here to tell you. I am letting my guard down and I will share all of me, with whomever the hell is willing to read this blog. It will be fun. It will be funny. And, there is a very strong chance you will feel a whole lot better about yourself as you read through my adventures and my challenges. So stick around, I am on a mission and it’s not impossible (okay, that was not funny, I know but I had to do it).
Until tomorrow............
NOTE TO SELF: The humor is there. If you can’t find it, look harder!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Dancing Queen - Is Your Body Language Speaking Your Language?
Yes indeed I made it to the gym today. I had a respectable one hour workout. First one in four weeks , wow did it feel good! It amazes me that I do love to workout. I love the benefits of exercise. However getting me to that gym is like pulling teeth without Novocain. Anyway the point of this posting is; does your body language speak your language?
There I was peddling away on the stationery bike with my IPod blasting in my ears. Diligently burning calories, rocking out, I could hear nothing but the music, ah but I could see so much perched upon my stationary bike. The single guy on the weights was eyeing the young girl on the treadmill. The chatter man (that’s another entire posting) was only out of breath because he would not stop talking whilst on the treadmill. The woman on the elliptical machine reading her novel, who probably would have burned more calories laying on her couch. The very, very bored front desk attendant that was daydreaming and wondering if the free gym membership was worth giving up a Sunday afternoon. The muscle man with the solid hot body lifting the weights, drenched in sweat. The young couple working out together, she is pregnant and they were so loving with each other. All the different body language was fascinating to me. There was so much conversation with so few words, (except for chatter man).
As I got deeper in thought, I started thinking about how often my actions and or words are misread, misinterpreted and misunderstood. Many times completely different than what I intended. But let me tell you, right here and now, my body language IS right on! As you may have read on the About Me section on this blog, I write: I am on a mission to have some fun, relax a bit and let my guard down. So in pursuant of my mission, once a month I have been going out dancing. Our last girls night out was a few weeks ago. Now, I am not a comfortable dancer, in fact I bet the word awkward would be accurate. Yes, I am an awkward dancer. I have never learned how to dance, so I just go out on the floor, look at every one else and mimic what they are doing. Needless to say if there are a bunch of different moves going on out there, I am trying to imitate each and every one. I don’t know which move is the most current or coolest one, so I try them all, generally all moves in the same song. I cannot describe what I look like, although I imagine it is similar to someone with a broken left foot, burning hemorrhoids and a dislocated right shoulder. This last outing gives me a better idea…..
Please keep in mind my self image is a bit damaged these days. That night as I was getting dressed I was really struggling with choosing something to wear. Everything I tried on was too tight, too short, wrong color, you get the idea. And nothing was comfortable. You know how snazzy you feel when you are sporting an outfit that makes you feel like you are a superstar; you walk around like you are Heidi Klum! Well, I was feeling the opposite that night. But in line with my mission I wiggled into something and off I went. We go to the local casino to listen to this great local band. They are a five piece band encompassing many genres of music including rock, jazz, oldies, country, and swing. Really they do provide the best in dance music. Especially perfect for folks in the “new 30’s to new 40’s age range”.
So I am out there dancing and the person I am dancing with asks “are you okay?”. “Yes, I'm fine" I reply. I really did not think much of it. A few songs later I was out dancing again. Same thing, the partner I am dancing with leans over and asks “are you okay?” I reply, “What?” He repeats the question. I reply “Oh, oh, Yes, I'm fine”. Okay, now that’s just weird. Then I am dancing with this guy, he is so much fun to dance with. From what I understand he had an accident that has caused some brain damage, however, he loves to go out and dance. Let me tell you, this guy is such a nice guy and boy does he have some moves. No inhibitions, no worries, he just gets out there and grooves with the music. Everything goes! So I am out there dancing away, not feeling quite so awkward because this guy is cutting loose. I mean he is footloose and fancy free on the floor. I’m out there dancing away with him, smiling and genuinely enjoying myself. Really feeling comfortable. Then, he leans over to me and says… “Are you okay?” What the what? Jesus, I must be as transparent as cellophane. Did everyone in this damn casino know how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin? It was if I was having one of those bad dreams where it is the first day of school and you forgot to put your clothes on! I just started laughing and replied “yes, I am just fine, thank you for asking, are you okay?”
I am still laughing about it. I even asked my friend the next day, if I was dancing really weird. She said not, but perhaps she was just being kind. Either way, that’s okay because I am sticking to my mission and having fun letting my guard down.
I guess the moral of this story is to get some dancing lessons if I don’t want people to worry about me on the dance floor. I got a good laugh and apparently so did the rest of the folks in the bar.
NOTE TO SELF: You can be uncomfortable and still have fun!
There I was peddling away on the stationery bike with my IPod blasting in my ears. Diligently burning calories, rocking out, I could hear nothing but the music, ah but I could see so much perched upon my stationary bike. The single guy on the weights was eyeing the young girl on the treadmill. The chatter man (that’s another entire posting) was only out of breath because he would not stop talking whilst on the treadmill. The woman on the elliptical machine reading her novel, who probably would have burned more calories laying on her couch. The very, very bored front desk attendant that was daydreaming and wondering if the free gym membership was worth giving up a Sunday afternoon. The muscle man with the solid hot body lifting the weights, drenched in sweat. The young couple working out together, she is pregnant and they were so loving with each other. All the different body language was fascinating to me. There was so much conversation with so few words, (except for chatter man).
As I got deeper in thought, I started thinking about how often my actions and or words are misread, misinterpreted and misunderstood. Many times completely different than what I intended. But let me tell you, right here and now, my body language IS right on! As you may have read on the About Me section on this blog, I write: I am on a mission to have some fun, relax a bit and let my guard down. So in pursuant of my mission, once a month I have been going out dancing. Our last girls night out was a few weeks ago. Now, I am not a comfortable dancer, in fact I bet the word awkward would be accurate. Yes, I am an awkward dancer. I have never learned how to dance, so I just go out on the floor, look at every one else and mimic what they are doing. Needless to say if there are a bunch of different moves going on out there, I am trying to imitate each and every one. I don’t know which move is the most current or coolest one, so I try them all, generally all moves in the same song. I cannot describe what I look like, although I imagine it is similar to someone with a broken left foot, burning hemorrhoids and a dislocated right shoulder. This last outing gives me a better idea…..
Please keep in mind my self image is a bit damaged these days. That night as I was getting dressed I was really struggling with choosing something to wear. Everything I tried on was too tight, too short, wrong color, you get the idea. And nothing was comfortable. You know how snazzy you feel when you are sporting an outfit that makes you feel like you are a superstar; you walk around like you are Heidi Klum! Well, I was feeling the opposite that night. But in line with my mission I wiggled into something and off I went. We go to the local casino to listen to this great local band. They are a five piece band encompassing many genres of music including rock, jazz, oldies, country, and swing. Really they do provide the best in dance music. Especially perfect for folks in the “new 30’s to new 40’s age range”.
So I am out there dancing and the person I am dancing with asks “are you okay?”. “Yes, I'm fine" I reply. I really did not think much of it. A few songs later I was out dancing again. Same thing, the partner I am dancing with leans over and asks “are you okay?” I reply, “What?” He repeats the question. I reply “Oh, oh, Yes, I'm fine”. Okay, now that’s just weird. Then I am dancing with this guy, he is so much fun to dance with. From what I understand he had an accident that has caused some brain damage, however, he loves to go out and dance. Let me tell you, this guy is such a nice guy and boy does he have some moves. No inhibitions, no worries, he just gets out there and grooves with the music. Everything goes! So I am out there dancing away, not feeling quite so awkward because this guy is cutting loose. I mean he is footloose and fancy free on the floor. I’m out there dancing away with him, smiling and genuinely enjoying myself. Really feeling comfortable. Then, he leans over to me and says… “Are you okay?” What the what? Jesus, I must be as transparent as cellophane. Did everyone in this damn casino know how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin? It was if I was having one of those bad dreams where it is the first day of school and you forgot to put your clothes on! I just started laughing and replied “yes, I am just fine, thank you for asking, are you okay?”
I am still laughing about it. I even asked my friend the next day, if I was dancing really weird. She said not, but perhaps she was just being kind. Either way, that’s okay because I am sticking to my mission and having fun letting my guard down.
I guess the moral of this story is to get some dancing lessons if I don’t want people to worry about me on the dance floor. I got a good laugh and apparently so did the rest of the folks in the bar.
NOTE TO SELF: You can be uncomfortable and still have fun!
Does Your Deprivation Steal Your Motivation?
Woooo Hooooo – Yesterday, I actually did half of what I said I would. This is a huge improvement. Although I must admit, just the thought of deprivation in any way, shape or form, strips me of any motivation. I managed to drag myself to the farmer’s market and the grocery store, planned the weekly meals, however, I just could not convince myself to go for a walk, too tired after the farmers market. Oh yeah, and I didn’t eat any comfort foods, but boy did I ever chow down on random, not fresh, foods. Come on, I was tired after all that shopping. I felt like my blood sugar was a bit off and needed the carbs in those two toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and the giant bowl of kettle corn. In my meal planning found a great recipe for spinach and goat cheese crepes. It called for a half cup of beer in the recipe, so on my grocery list was one light beer. What did I do? You got it. I drank it to wash down those PB&J sandwiches! What’s a girl to do? It was Saturday night and I was thirsty, ha! Oh God, my lies never end. I need to practice “self-honesty” And, let’s not forget what a shinning example I am to my teenage daughter. I say this because I had to make a special stop at the store to get that one beer. The store where we do our major shopping at does not sell individual beers.
It went down like this - As we were driving home from the grocery store. “Oh honey, I have to make a quick stop because I need a beer for the crepes recipe, just wait in the car I’ll be right out.” I run into the little store, grab a single bullet Coors Light and wait patiently in line with the hobos and druggies with their single beers for their crepe recipe too. I am back in the car and sigh, “great, now I have EVERYTHING I need to get myself back on track. We sure picked some yummy meals for the week, I can’t wait to get started.” We get home, we both are putting the groceries away, guess what, I start eyeing that beer. Hum, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow starts chanting in my mind. No, I will resist, it’s all about TODAY. Move forward two hours, food is put away, I have had the PB& J sandwiches and I am ready to sit and read for a bit. My mind kept going back to the “cold activated blue mountain on that can. Hey why not? So I pop open the beer. My daughter walks through the room, “Hey Mom, I thought you bought that for the crepes,” I looked at her and simply said, Tomorrow…… Then we both burst out laughing. I told her to live by my example would be to not do what I do!
So now it is once again, today. I have all the tools and supplies (minus the beer) and a clear sense of focus in my healthy lifestyle arsenal. I am ready to get down to business. I don’t know how familiar you are with diets (no longer a politically correct word) or nutrition for weight loss plans, whatever the hell you call it, but let me tell you there are thousands of books out there on this subject. I personally have dabbled in at least seven thousand of them. And do you know why don’t they work? (Check out the poll I have listed on the upper right side of the blog). First of all, you have to “follow” the plan more than three weeks. Secondly, you need to be active beyond your daily activities and third it really is just calories in, calories out. I don’t give a damn what you are eating, it is simple math, fuel in vs. fuel burned, remainder is stored. Period. Which is why I always end up back with Weight Watchers. For me it is clearly about how much I eat, not what I eat.
This last weight gain was due to, now don’t laugh, because I told my daughter she had to change her eating habits. Limit the sugars and cut out that processed crap that the big box manufactures are so eager to shove into our children. We listened to Dr. Oz and read every label to ensure the following ingredients were not in the top five. It was the five of five rule – Saturated fat, hydrogenated oils, high- fructose corn syrup, sugars and enriched/bleached flour. Anyway, I thought at that point, if I am eating healthy then I do not need to monitor how much, it is all healthy, right? Healthy, but still calories in vs. calories out. You just can’t have six servings of whole wheat noodles in olive oil and Parmesan cheese and not gain weight. One bite lead to another, soon I wanted more and more noodles, less and less fresh vegetables and fruits, throw in some wine to have with that loaf of 100% whole grain bread and mozzarella cheese and I just don’t feel like going to workout, I will tomorrow. BAM I am up twenty pounds, what the hell, keep on going because I am having so much fun on this food fest the next ten pounds were just “bonus” pounds.
But that was all in the past. Today is today and I am ready to “count my points”, that’s Weight Watcher code talk for calories. One of the reasons I am attracted to WW is because they are tricky liars. For example calories are called points. You track points but not calories. It allows me to practice “self-honesty” without being completely honest. I feel like I am getting one up on myself. You subtract points for food and add points for exercise (fuel in / fuel burned concept) So it’s off to prepare one of my yummy recipes. Trick myself into some exercise, even if it’s minimal, track my points and be happy about it and do what ever it takes to stay motivated, TODAY! Maybe I’ll go into my library of self help books to help keep myself motivated for the day….. Ha ha ha
NOTE TO SELF: Must find a way to change deprivation into motivation!
It went down like this - As we were driving home from the grocery store. “Oh honey, I have to make a quick stop because I need a beer for the crepes recipe, just wait in the car I’ll be right out.” I run into the little store, grab a single bullet Coors Light and wait patiently in line with the hobos and druggies with their single beers for their crepe recipe too. I am back in the car and sigh, “great, now I have EVERYTHING I need to get myself back on track. We sure picked some yummy meals for the week, I can’t wait to get started.” We get home, we both are putting the groceries away, guess what, I start eyeing that beer. Hum, tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow starts chanting in my mind. No, I will resist, it’s all about TODAY. Move forward two hours, food is put away, I have had the PB& J sandwiches and I am ready to sit and read for a bit. My mind kept going back to the “cold activated blue mountain on that can. Hey why not? So I pop open the beer. My daughter walks through the room, “Hey Mom, I thought you bought that for the crepes,” I looked at her and simply said, Tomorrow…… Then we both burst out laughing. I told her to live by my example would be to not do what I do!
So now it is once again, today. I have all the tools and supplies (minus the beer) and a clear sense of focus in my healthy lifestyle arsenal. I am ready to get down to business. I don’t know how familiar you are with diets (no longer a politically correct word) or nutrition for weight loss plans, whatever the hell you call it, but let me tell you there are thousands of books out there on this subject. I personally have dabbled in at least seven thousand of them. And do you know why don’t they work? (Check out the poll I have listed on the upper right side of the blog). First of all, you have to “follow” the plan more than three weeks. Secondly, you need to be active beyond your daily activities and third it really is just calories in, calories out. I don’t give a damn what you are eating, it is simple math, fuel in vs. fuel burned, remainder is stored. Period. Which is why I always end up back with Weight Watchers. For me it is clearly about how much I eat, not what I eat.
This last weight gain was due to, now don’t laugh, because I told my daughter she had to change her eating habits. Limit the sugars and cut out that processed crap that the big box manufactures are so eager to shove into our children. We listened to Dr. Oz and read every label to ensure the following ingredients were not in the top five. It was the five of five rule – Saturated fat, hydrogenated oils, high- fructose corn syrup, sugars and enriched/bleached flour. Anyway, I thought at that point, if I am eating healthy then I do not need to monitor how much, it is all healthy, right? Healthy, but still calories in vs. calories out. You just can’t have six servings of whole wheat noodles in olive oil and Parmesan cheese and not gain weight. One bite lead to another, soon I wanted more and more noodles, less and less fresh vegetables and fruits, throw in some wine to have with that loaf of 100% whole grain bread and mozzarella cheese and I just don’t feel like going to workout, I will tomorrow. BAM I am up twenty pounds, what the hell, keep on going because I am having so much fun on this food fest the next ten pounds were just “bonus” pounds.
But that was all in the past. Today is today and I am ready to “count my points”, that’s Weight Watcher code talk for calories. One of the reasons I am attracted to WW is because they are tricky liars. For example calories are called points. You track points but not calories. It allows me to practice “self-honesty” without being completely honest. I feel like I am getting one up on myself. You subtract points for food and add points for exercise (fuel in / fuel burned concept) So it’s off to prepare one of my yummy recipes. Trick myself into some exercise, even if it’s minimal, track my points and be happy about it and do what ever it takes to stay motivated, TODAY! Maybe I’ll go into my library of self help books to help keep myself motivated for the day….. Ha ha ha
NOTE TO SELF: Must find a way to change deprivation into motivation!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Liar Liar Pants on Fire. Who do you Lie to?
Tell me please, what kind of person is honest, loving and faithful to all friends, family and overall most anyone that is in their lives, yet lies to themselves? Now that makes NO sense! Nada. None whatsoever! If you ARE going to lie, you would think it would be to someone that doesn't know you are lying! This is what I am talking about.....
Every day and I mean every day I tell myself, tomorrow, yep tomorrow I am going to stop this food fest of eating all my favorite comfort foods (believe me there are lots and lots of them) , no exercising, sloth like rut that I have gotten myself into. Yep, TOMORROW! So, today since it is my last day, I better eat .........and drink.......and not go for a workout or run, no worries because tomorrow I am going to at least go for a walk! Now I know full well as I am telling this shitty lie to myself, tomorrow is NOT the day! Who does that? I could be lying to any number of people in my life, my boss, my kid, or even my mother, but nope I must be an idiot, because I choose to lie to myself. I do it, I know it and I still believe the lies!
Last night as look back, it was as if I was having an outer body experience. There I was drinking the third glass of red wine, shoveling in my third helping of mashed potatoes with butter (no gravy, I was cutting calories) and the giant helping of store bought roasted turkey breast loaded up with chemicals. Justified every sip, bite and swallow, because it was all about, that's right, tomorrow!
I am like goddamn Annie, Tomorrow, tomorrow there's always tomorrow, you get the idea....
The power of procrastination is not a good thing here, although I am good at it. I have managed to lie my way from a size 8 to a size 12, okay maybe sometimes 14. That's what I am talking about. Honestly, last year I was sporting a size 6. I tell myself, from an 8 to 10/12 that's okay, but I'm not just talking to myself, I am talking to you too. And now that I am being honest when I say it is not about the size, it IS about how I feel. Me being in my body at this weight. I just cannot get comfortable with the extra roll that resides right smack under my breasts and above my lap, even when I sit up straight. If you've ever had one, you know what I am talking about.
So as I write these words, tomorrow is no longer on the plate, it is TODAY! Really I swear to God it is today! Today I am going to the Farmers Market to get some fresh veggies, the grocery store and yes, today is the day I will at least go for a walk. Now if there is no post tomorrow, you'll know I got sucked back in.....
NOTE TO SELF: It's today not tomorrow!
Every day and I mean every day I tell myself, tomorrow, yep tomorrow I am going to stop this food fest of eating all my favorite comfort foods (believe me there are lots and lots of them) , no exercising, sloth like rut that I have gotten myself into. Yep, TOMORROW! So, today since it is my last day, I better eat .........and drink.......and not go for a workout or run, no worries because tomorrow I am going to at least go for a walk! Now I know full well as I am telling this shitty lie to myself, tomorrow is NOT the day! Who does that? I could be lying to any number of people in my life, my boss, my kid, or even my mother, but nope I must be an idiot, because I choose to lie to myself. I do it, I know it and I still believe the lies!
Last night as look back, it was as if I was having an outer body experience. There I was drinking the third glass of red wine, shoveling in my third helping of mashed potatoes with butter (no gravy, I was cutting calories) and the giant helping of store bought roasted turkey breast loaded up with chemicals. Justified every sip, bite and swallow, because it was all about, that's right, tomorrow!
I am like goddamn Annie, Tomorrow, tomorrow there's always tomorrow, you get the idea....
The power of procrastination is not a good thing here, although I am good at it. I have managed to lie my way from a size 8 to a size 12, okay maybe sometimes 14. That's what I am talking about. Honestly, last year I was sporting a size 6. I tell myself, from an 8 to 10/12 that's okay, but I'm not just talking to myself, I am talking to you too. And now that I am being honest when I say it is not about the size, it IS about how I feel. Me being in my body at this weight. I just cannot get comfortable with the extra roll that resides right smack under my breasts and above my lap, even when I sit up straight. If you've ever had one, you know what I am talking about.
So as I write these words, tomorrow is no longer on the plate, it is TODAY! Really I swear to God it is today! Today I am going to the Farmers Market to get some fresh veggies, the grocery store and yes, today is the day I will at least go for a walk. Now if there is no post tomorrow, you'll know I got sucked back in.....
NOTE TO SELF: It's today not tomorrow!
Friday, June 12, 2009
A loss for words? Ha!
Really? How can I be at a loss for words when I always have so damn much to say. Maybe, just maybe it is my narcissistic ego that consistently gets in my way. I clearly see myself as one of many words and little action. Why is that? I ramble on like I know everything, then sit back and do nothing. Let me back up, I'll take action for a period of time, then kaput I am over it. Shit. It is exhausting being me.
So I ponder the question, over and over and over......What is it that makes someone have clear and definite goals, ambitions and dreams yet, makes certain they are never obtained? It is not intellectual, nor fiscal, just look at Oprah and her weight yo yo. Emotionally just doesn't make sense to me either. Frigging who knows.
What I do know is:
So I ponder the question, over and over and over......What is it that makes someone have clear and definite goals, ambitions and dreams yet, makes certain they are never obtained? It is not intellectual, nor fiscal, just look at Oprah and her weight yo yo. Emotionally just doesn't make sense to me either. Frigging who knows.
What I do know is:
- I've spent my share of time trying to figure out who I am and what makes me tick and still the question remains unanswered.
- I am back to losing the same goddamn 30 pounds that I have shed five times over.
- I still have credit card debt.
- I am the "NEW 30" some days. Other days the 'NEW 40" and some days, just old.
I am here to say, I am still willing to keep asking the questions. Always trying to make it better, and striving for whatever the hell it is I want this week. So here I sit pissing and moaning to me, about me in hopes that I will "see the light within". Ha, that is a crock of shit. This is a wonderfully creative way for me to not do whatever it is I should do....
And don't be to shocked if the blogging stops in, oh let's say three weeks. That generally is my attention span.
NOTE TO SELF: Stay motivated longer than three weeks!
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