Exercise Classes - Your Rhythm or Blues?

Why do some people have rhythm and others do not? I personally fall into the second category. Well not so much as into that category, more like below it. To say I do not have rhythm is darn near a compliment. I really don’t understand why some are blessed with the ease of coordination and the flow of dancing. And then there are those such as myself that apparently have two left feet. I prefer not to think of it as an intellectual issue because certainly less intelligent people have been known to have the ability to groove down as well as the brilliant beings that don’t have a move to grove at all. What I do know is that it’s very obvious when one lacks the necessary coordination to carry out certain tasks. All of this comes to mind because yesterday when I was at my cycling spin class at the gym, this is what I observed:

As I was perched upon my stationary spinning bike, I was diligently following all of the directions from the teacher. She was shouting “faster, faster you can make it up this incline” (of course there was no incline, we were indoors in a gym on these odd little bikes, but with the tension turned up it feels like a massive hill) the music was blasting. She continued to push us, to make us work harder; “Peddle harder, stay strong, you can do it, only ninety more seconds” (I guess ninety seconds sounds more encouraging than it’s just another minute and a half). My heart was pounding, I was breathless, my legs were burning from the intensity. As I was peddling faster and faster my imagination slowly lifted me into another dimension. For a brief moment I thought I was in Kansas or perhaps ET had possessed my body. I swear I had lifted off the ground and was observing my world from an entirely new angle. Actually, the cycling room is on the second floor and one wall has all windows overlooking two racquetball courts below that have been converted into one very large fitness room.

I looked down and saw this aerobic class in progress, I could not hear anything, it was all visual. I was watching them step up on the step, back down, turn around, jump three times. Step to the left. Step to the right. Touch your toes. Step on the step, step down, turn left, turn right. I was mesmerized. There were at least twenty people in the class and I’ll be damned if every one of them was in perfect sync with each other. How the hell did they do that? Was this some professional aerobic class? How come nobody was turning the wrong way or bumping into the next person? That happened every time I tried one of those classes. Let me clarify, that is what I did every time I took one of those classes. And I have tried these classes more times than I can count. As I was peddling away on my bike I continued to watch them. It appeared that everyone was truly enjoying the exercise class and no one was getting hurt from the person beside them.

I think I would be a much thinner person if I had any sense of rhythm. I say this because so many exercises I have tried are just too damn difficult for me. The teacher says left, but I move right because that is what I see when I am watching her as she is facing the class. Then there are all those mirrors, wall to wall mirrors. I understand why, but is it really necessary? Us chunkier gals with no coordination could certainly get a much better workout if we did not have to see our silly grinning, backwards stepping faces every time we turned around. It is absurd.

Let me tell you, I am not kidding when I write that I have tried so many of these various classes. Just to name a few - kick boxing, step, beginning step, basic step, just abs, circuit classes, cross fit, fun & fit, all of them so challenging with the music/exercise I just got overwhelmed and quit. For someone with already borderline low self esteem/body image issues, this is not a good place to be. I have not tried and would not even consider; Boot fitness – here is the description – A class incorporating balance, strength and cardio training. Come and join this challenging workout. The description alone makes me break into a sweat, does that count? Here’s another good one I would not consider; Athletic Step. Ready? A little Choreography and high intensity, powerful movement on the step. Now I know any description that includes choreography is immediately out of my league, not to mention the title has the word athletic in it. No need for me to further describe how challenging and disastrous either of those would be for me. Talk about a blow to self esteem.

Lucky for me that I am persistent and understand that I must be active or I will be overweight. By the time I get to work every day, I have not even exerted myself enough to burn fifty calories. I then sit on my ass for at least eight to nine hours with little or no activity, except my fingers tapping on my computer. The lack of activity adds up quickly and accumulates right in my belly. Therefore I must find activities that I can do AND enjoy. Okay well maybe enjoy is stretching it a bit. Exercise I am capable of doing without hurting anyone else or myself. Actually I have settled in on a few, but boy would it be nice to have all the other options too. I just read an interview with Brooke Shields, she said that "she enjoys working out much more after than during." Wow, could I relate to that. Here is a list of what I can do; running and walking, even while listening to my IPod so I guess that’s something to be grateful for. Then on a very limited basis- yoga and pilates (as long as they go slow and I do not look at myself in the mirror). One glance in the mirror and I could tip right over Again, I certainly would not want to hurt people in this class. Aqua aerobics because ninety percent of my motion is underwater so nobody but me knows what’s really going on. Besides the music is washed out over the motion of the water so I can focus on the movements. I can do my own individual work outs with the weights (machines mostly) combined with the treadmill, rowing machine and bikes but I have a tendency to not push myself as hard when it is just me. And then of course my spin class. Oh my god I am in a spin class, as I come back to reality.

“Go! Go! Come on you can do it, only ninety seconds left of our workout! PUSH, PUSH AS HARD AS YOU CAN!” Woo Whoo, as I flashed back, that was the quickest workout I have done yet. I like spin class. It’s easy, you need no rhythm, I’ve yet to hurt anyone and there is someone pushing you to push way beyond your comfort zone. It’s my personal favorite.

NOTE TO SELF: Do what you can do to keep active!

Jumping Hurdles - How High Are Yours?

I had another 1.4 pound weight lost this week! I have made it over my first big hurdle, the ten pound mark. Wooo Whooo! I have twenty five pounds to go to my goal weight. It may be a long slow process, but I am confident it will happen in due time, again! Oh how I love those hurdles.

Apparently, at my average stature of 5’4” I like hurdles. I like jumping over hurdles, whether they be clutter , weight, money , fitness or time management hurdles. If I have jumped it once, I have jumped it again and again. These aren’t just random hurdles that life puts before me. No siree, these are hurdles I place in my own life. They are my personal huddles. I seem to very strategically place them throughout my life so I am constantly trying to get over them. Why? That is a fantastic question to ask myself. Hum, why not get over the hurdle and keep looking forward? Instead of looking back, grabbing that hurdle I thought I just mastered and then reset it smack in front of myself? Right there in my very own future? Geez, I think I mentioned in an earlier post, that there was a good chance you would feel better about yourself after reading my personal insights. How are you feeling now?

If I seriously ask myself the question, why the same hurdles over and over? I think I would have to say “it’s because I truly have not mastered that hurdle, YET.” Once I honestly evaluate the hurdles, I find that each time the hurdle is a bit lower. It is easier and quicker to get over. Eventually that hurdles is eliminated. A good example is smoking. I was a smoker. I loved to smoke. I quit smoking fifty times before I became a non-smoker. That hurdle is no longer in front of me. Another hurdle was being organized. That was another big one for me. Slowly from trial and error, I have just about mastered that one. You seldom will walk into my home and see everything strewed all over the place in an attempt to organize myself, my life.

So for now, I am still jumping some of the same hurdles. Most prominent in my life today is the weight hurdle. I got over the big ten pound mark and my hurdle just got lower. I accept that jumping my personal hurdles equal my personal growth. Sometimes it will be the same hurdles. Sometimes there may be some new ones too. And then there will be times I am just on the straight stretch.


NOTE TO SELF: Keep jumping and eventually you’ll land firm on both feet!

Back From the Great Outdoors

I have returned from our camping trip in the Sierra Mountains. It was a fabulous trip! Thanks to Dalio and Riki for posting while I was out.

So on my last post dated July 6th, I was down another 1.4 pounds and my goal was to have a breakeven number on my next weigh in. Ha. Ha. Ha! Yeah, I must have been suffering from some pre vacation loss of all reality. Did I really think I was going to adventure into the great outdoors and not imbibe and partake like someone that was lost in the desert for a week or so? I was not only thirsty and starving, I was delusional.

Everything, I mean everything tastes better outdoors! Here is just a sample of some of the food I was enjoying. Beer, wine, wine, beer, cheese, cheese with crackers, cheese with tomatoes and basil, cheese with more cheese, cheese with salami, crackers with cream cheese topped with sweet heat habanero jams, steak, pasta with bolognaise sauce, pancakes. But thank god I did not eat any white bread or smores because I was taking it easy on the empty carbs. It was a food feast and I loved every moment of it!

In my defense, I did do some wonderful hiking on the Pacific Crest Trail. I attempted to do a run, however the altitude combined with the heat kicked my butt. Not the alcohol or food, just the altitude and heat! (More delusions).

I would get brave and just hop on my scale. However during my last ‘self make-over’; the one that I decided I would simply accept my ever so present muffin top that resides in quantity over every pair of pants I own. You know, that roll of squishy fat that hangs over the top of your pants. It is similar in appearance to a muffin top hanging over the container it was baked in, but not nearly as appetizing and yummy. So I simply tossed the damn scale out. Yes indeed, I was just going to learn to accept my body and improve self image by not being focused on the number on the scale. How’d that work out for me? I was up two sizes, my muffin top/waist line expanded by more than just a few inches AND I am in need of a new scale!

Although, after serious consideration I think I’ll pass on the new scale purchase. This will help keep me aware of what I eat and how much I exercise this week. Who knows maybe it will take a miracle to reach the goal of breaking even this week. Or maybe, just maybe the exercise helped and I can pull this one off. Friday will tell……

NOTE TO SELF: Believe in miracles!

Working Out in the Great Outdoors

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July weekend. Hang on because it will be Thanksgiving before you know it.

I had my weigh in on Friday and kudos to me! Down another 1.4 pounds making a total of 7.6 at the end of week three. Did you check out the cute sliding scale on the right --------------->

Now the real challenge will be this week. I am leaving to go camping for the next several days. My goal is to NOT gain any weight. It’s going to be a real task to be active enough to burn the calories taken in. My next weigh in is July 17th. I swear here and now, I will do this trip and make it a break even week on the scale. My workouts may consist of lifting ice cold beers and jogging around the small eleven site campground in the sweltering heat with beer in hand, but if that’s what it takes, I sure as hell will do it….. NIKE….. DO IT!

I am open to any suggestions to help keep the moderation without deprivation during this trip. Please feel free to email me at NorCaliK@yahoo.com or post a comment. Funny or serious, I’d love to hear from you.

I have some guest writers that will be filling in, so please stay tuned. I promise they will bring a fun and new twist to the blog. In the meantime I will be writing away so I promise to have some good stories upon my return on July 13th.

NOTE TO SELF: Pack beer koozie to keep it cold on daily jogs

Do You Have a Color or Is It Black or White?

Whenever I am in search of a topic, it seems to just be handed to me. This time I was paying attention to how “black or white” my thoughts and actions seem to be and I was wondering if I should write about them. Then I took a quiz on Facebook about what Michael Jackson song are you…. Guess what I was? You got it, Black or White. Waa-Laa my topic just handed to me.

The saying black or white really applies to many areas of my life. For example over the weekend I was a cleaning fool doing some quite extensive housework. I not only did laundry, I stripped all the bedding, washed it and hung it all on the clothesline to dry. I love, love nature’s fabreeze. Oh no I just realized I only did my bed. I totally skipped my daughter right over on that one. I guess I she might enjoy some naturally fabreezed bedding too. Oh well, maybe next week. Back to topic, I didn’t just vacuum, I moved the furniture to vacuum under. I didn’t just dust, I cleaned the blinds too. The bathroom, scrubbed from top to bottom. You get the picture. I was cleaning for hours, which is amazing because I live in a tiny house. As I was finishing up the final Mop and Glow coat in the kitchen, I tippy toed into the living room and plopped myself onto the couch. Whew, wee I thought "thank god that’s done." Then I listened to what I said, as if it never has to be done again. Did I really expect that because the house was clean, it would stay clean? Did I think that all messiness stopped just because I labored over removing it? Wholly shit, this is a huge revelation. My expectation was that if I cleaned the house, I did not expect to have clean again for a long long time because now it was extra clean. Of course, I wonder why I am frustrated when the next week the floors need to be cleaned again. It’s not about the tasks at hand, it is about the expectations that I have so distorted. The house is either clean or it is messy/dirty. FYI – this small house I live in is ten times harder to keep clean than any other place I have lived.

After some further thought, I realized that this black or white pattern applies in massive doses to my nutrition and exercise regime. I am either dieting or not. Which equals eating small balanced meals often or I just don’t stop eating. I am either exercising six times a week or I am not exercising seven days a week. Then I wonder why I am frustrated when goals are not met.

So the nutrition and exercise has been weighing heavy on my mind because next week we are going camping for five days. Now as you know from my previous postings that I really have an aversion to deprivation. I love camping and to me camping is food because food always tastes better outdoors. Then there is the beer when it’s hot and the wine with dinner, because you're camping. Then there are S’mores by the campfire, because you're camping. It goes on and on (at least in my mind). So I have been asking myself how I am going to get around the black or white, all or nothing mentality in order to have a successful day on the scale when I return. Not to mention, learning to live a more balanced life with a rosy hue?

Honestly, I don’t have the answer. And I don’t think there is a definitive answer. It’s about baby steps forward each day in the form of focus, planning, action, motivation and desire. So I have made a list of healthy food options along with a few sensible treats. I am researching hiking in the area. I’ll do some writing while I am there to help keep me focused. I have that huge stack of magazines I can take for motivation. Most importantly, I have the commitment to my blog that will help keep me on track and accountable.

This "life-makeover" is about finding the old me and transforming her into the person I have dreamt about being. It is a fact that the black or white, all or nothing is probably the reason behind many of the unattained goals and set-backs. New goal = new me.

NOTE TO SELF: Drop the Black and White, it’s time to add some color to you life.

All Kinds of News.......

The Good News…….. I did it, down another 1.2 pound (s). Technically it is just a pound, but the weigh in person at Weight Watchers wrote down 1.2 and I will proudly take that point two! It’s a push in the right direction. Loss to date is 6.2 pounds after completing two weeks. Yippee!

The Bad News ..… I am now in negotiations with myself about getting in some exercise. I know full well it is an absolute necessity to maintain a fit and healthy lifestyle. It is a ridiculous negotiation, but I’m a betting person and I am confident there are some readers out there that know EXACTLY what I am talking about.

The Sad News … In my mind, and apparently it is only in my mind, I aspire to be an active, athletic woman. I love to run. I love to participate in competitive running. Yet, I have no ability to maintain the training regime. Whether it is fear of failure, fear of success, an over committed schedule, or anything else, I cannot seem to get over the hurdle to pull off a Nike and JUST DO IT! I do seem to be able to be consistent for about four or five weeks then unbeknownst to myself I just stop. I immediately turn back into Annie with all my tomorrows. Then its Baada bing, baada boom, I am back to square one. Which is de-motivating and all of a sudden I find myself back in the cycle of gaining the lost weight and quickly getting back out of shape!

As I am writing, I am listening to a Bon Jovi song playing in my head;

“Take a look around. Tell me what you see. Is who you think you are, who you want to be? It's ok to feel a little broken….Everybody's broken, your alright. Just keep on going eyes wide open!”

Well I am definitely a little broken and I am okay with that. I basically am trying to drum up some serious inspiration within to get myself motivated. To realize I don't have to be who I was. I can write a different history with the actions I take today. I honestly do want be who I think I am. So today I am that healthy, active, athletic woman. Whew, you are lucky because I just toyed with the idea of breaking in to a Helen Reddy song…….

The Best News Ever……. I know I can do it. I know I have it in me to overcome these obstacles. How? I need to remind myself that it’s about today. What can I do for me today? Does today fit into that healthy active lifestyle? It’s about the here and the now! Work on keeping the focus a bit closer to the day and let go of the big picture, what if’s. It’s about having a dream, a goal, a vision, an aspiration and to stop ignoring that. To do whatever is necessary to take the appropriate actions towards the goals. It is important to my success to listen to the voice within. To continually look for all sources of motivation and inspiration. And, when there are set backs as there will be… It’s okay. Pick it up, dust it off and get going again (the sooner the better).

NOTE TO SELF: Honor your achievements. Strive for your aspirations!

Magazines - Do They Really Work?

Tomorrow is my weigh in day, end of week two. Even with all the ups and downs, evil mood swings and the pity pot I was resting on, it still was a decent week. Did I lose weight? Not sure as last week was a five pound loss so if anything has been lost, it will be a bonus. Also, I get my one day free as long as there is a lower number on the scale, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I am constantly looking for ways to keep myself motivated. Recently I had some frequent flyer miles that were expiring and to the dismay of my mailman I cashed them in on magazine subscriptions. As I subscribed to these, it is with the best of intentions that I actually read them. I envision myself sitting back with a cup of tea, uninterrupted as I am relaxing with my feet up, slowly flipping through the pages and taking in all the fabulous advice. Since I am hell bent on making these positive and lasting changes in my life I figured the magazines would be a great incentive to keep me on target. I have a nice balance with Health, Body + Soul, Money, Wine Spectator and Sunset.

So far that relaxing scenario has not happened. The closest I have come is to shuffle though the stack and review the covers. As I am sitting here looking at them, I am trying to decide which one to read first. They all have amazing covers with gorgeous photos and catchy tag lines. Wow, this is more than motivation, I actually could be a whole new me in no time at all! Then I kind of wonder who they are targeting as their audience? Seriously check out just a few of the tag lines on these current issues:

1. Eat Your Way Slim
2. Shrink Your Belly (in just 9 minutes)
3. No-Sweat Workout
4. Dan Aykrod on Wine
5. Go from Fired to Hired
6. How to Profit in the New Economy
7. Walk a Little – Lose a Lot
8. The Healing Power of Wine
9. The Natural Cure for Cellulite
10.Create Your Perfect Space

Really? Really? Let me tell you, anyone that is interested in a “No-Sweat Workout”, or “Walking a Little to Lose A lot” is not interested in working out or maintaining a healthy lifestyle! "Eat Your Way Slim"? Who the hell are they targeting with that one? On A second thought, I tried to eat myself thin, oops, I gained thirty pounds. "Dan Aykrod on Wine"? Does that mean he’s drunk? Because if I was really interested in leaning about wines, I don’t think Dan Aykrod would be the expert I would turn to. "Profit in the New Economy". You mean the new busted economy? Profit, from who? Nobody has any damn money, so if you are making a profit from someone in this economy, isn’t that a bit immoral and isn’t that what got our economy into trouble?

I am hoping that I will soon get the opportunity to sit back, have my tea, put my feet up and absorb the wealth of information within these pages lined with beautiful photos. Because once I have read these magazines and follow the ever so simple, not time committing suggestions, no later than August, I should;

a. Have a flat stomach
b. More money in the bank,
c. Be 30 pounds lighter without breaking a sweat
d. Be healthier from red wine
e. Have smooth cellulite free legs
f. And be a whole new me

I will keep you posted as the transformations come about.

NOTE TO SELF: Read magazines ASAP!

Stressed or De-Stressed?

What is stress? No, really what is stress? I know what it does…. Stress can make you sick. Stress can make you fat. Stress can exhaust you and give you insomnia. Stress can provoke you to eat and eat and eat. Stress can make you mean, sad or even a bit crazy. Being stressed and overwhelmed leaves you feeling completely out of control of your own life. Maybe stress is the reason the term “beside yourself” came about.

What really sucks about stress is that it is simply the mind communicating to the body. Overload, overload – Danger Will Robinson, Danger. (Now I’m dating myself, eh?) Stress is what the body does when it fails to listen to the mind. If I really paid attention and was tuned into my mind-body connection I would hear that first warning of danger. Of course then I would have to take appropriate action to immediately eliminate the stressful situation. However, that is so NOT the case these days. Nope, lately, I seem to be walking around with my head so far up….. so for far up, okay let’s say the clouds, that I have completely disconnected my mind and body.

I tend to invite and welcome stress into my life. You do not need to be a shrink, a doctor or even Oprah to know that this is not a good thing. It is most important for me to have my head in tact on my shoulders with the ability to communicate. Especially since I am on this mission of “finding me” and making sure I am a smaller version when I do locate myself. It’s like I have to work hard to NOT hear myself and this is not in line with my personal mission statement.

In some twisted way this habit of inviting stress into my life must have started with some form of self preservation that went haywire along the way. In line with the detrimental behavior of comfort eating, stress worked its way in, settled down and has become a regular resident in my life. So what do I do? Is there a specific stress eliminator action to take? Other than the stuff like Yoga, massage, spiritual practices, etc., which are all wonderful. However, with a bit of thought these are aids to help deal with the stress. What I am interested in is reducing and eventually eliminating the stress.

I say its time for me (and maybe you too) to take control of my own life. Clear the calendar! Practice and learn how to say no! It’s okay to say yes to me. I honestly believe taking away some of my commitments is the first and most necessary step towards my mission. I had began this process, I just don’t think I truly understood how important it is to the overall success of me finding me.

NOTE TO SELF: No changes can be permanent if I still am living a stressful life.

Do You Know The Rules to Your Game?

I have been playing the weight game for the last eight days and I actually scored a touchdown on the scale this week. Yippee! I lost five pounds after completing my first Weight Watchers weigh in. Let me clarify, this is not my FIRST weigh in, it is my first one THIS time. I never really understood why it’s said the first few pounds shed are just water (sounds like a jealous bitch made that one up). I really don’t care what you call it. What it is, is a lower number than last week on the scale. Since the name of my game is weight loss, it’s a score and I am doing the end zone happy dance.

It’s been proven over and over and over, if you simply follow the Weight Watchers guidelines you will successfully lose weight. If you keep playing by the rules once you scored your final goal on the scale you will maintain your weight loss. Exactly like a Nike commercial…. “Just Do It!”

When I play the weight game, I struggle with following the rules. For some reason I think “this time will be different” as I allow my self to change rules and the game plan. I think I have this privilege because I hold all positions and ownership of this team. The problem is my abuse of power generally gets me into trouble. If I bend the rules long and hard enough, eventually I knock myself right out of the game.

It should be simple to follow these very basic rules.

Do not exceed X number of points per day (calories)
Eat anything you want in limited portions
Eat fresh fruits, vegetables and whole grains
Exercise regularly (4 times per week is good)
Drink plenty of water
Get plenty of rest
Write down everything you eat + all exercise
Plan ahead and you plan for success.

This is not brain surgery. It is a healthy lifestyle that practices moderation. Why on earth I have to make such a big deal about it, I just don’t understand. Yesterday immediately after I weighed in, I decided that I would give myself the old “one free day” rule. Logically, I know that puts me at risk, yet I choose to take weigh in day off from keeping track of what I eat as long as there is a loss on the scale that day. This could go either way. I guess only time will tell. But that’s it, today I put my foot down and no more changing the game. I am geared up for success.

So I remind myself the past has passed and today I have the opportunity to create a new and different history. Pulling all the strength I have to no longer bend the rules but to play the game as it was intended and maybe, just maybe I will stay on this winning streak and totally win the game!

NOTE TO SELF: Just Do It! No, really just do it!

A loss for words? Ha!

Really? How can I be at a loss for words when I always have so damn much to say. Maybe, just maybe it is my narcissistic ego that consistently gets in my way. I clearly see myself as one of many words and little action. Why is that? I ramble on like I know everything, then sit back and do nothing. Let me back up, I'll take action for a period of time, then kaput I am over it. Shit. It is exhausting being me.

So I ponder the question, over and over and over......What is it that makes someone have clear and definite goals, ambitions and dreams yet, makes certain they are never obtained? It is not intellectual, nor fiscal, just look at Oprah and her weight yo yo. Emotionally just doesn't make sense to me either. Frigging who knows.

What I do know is:

• I've spent my share of time trying to figure out who I am and what makes me tick and still the question remains unanswered.
• I am back to losing the same goddamn 30 pounds that I have shed five times over.
• I still have credit card debt.
• I am the "NEW 30" some days. Other days the 'NEW 40" and some days, just old.

I am here to say, I am still willing to keep asking the questions. Always trying to make it better, and striving for whatever the hell it is I want this week. So here I sit pissing and moaning to me, about me in hopes that I will "see the light within". Ha, that is a crock of shit. This is a wonderfully creative way for me to not do whatever it is I should do....

And don't be to shocked if the blogging stops in, oh let's say three weeks. That generally is my attention span.

NOTE TO SELF: Stay motivated longer than three weeks!