Jumping Hurdles - How High Are Yours?

I had another 1.4 pound weight lost this week! I have made it over my first big hurdle, the ten pound mark. Wooo Whooo! I have twenty five pounds to go to my goal weight. It may be a long slow process, but I am confident it will happen in due time, again! Oh how I love those hurdles.

Apparently, at my average stature of 5’4” I like hurdles. I like jumping over hurdles, whether they be clutter , weight, money , fitness or time management hurdles. If I have jumped it once, I have jumped it again and again. These aren’t just random hurdles that life puts before me. No siree, these are hurdles I place in my own life. They are my personal huddles. I seem to very strategically place them throughout my life so I am constantly trying to get over them. Why? That is a fantastic question to ask myself. Hum, why not get over the hurdle and keep looking forward? Instead of looking back, grabbing that hurdle I thought I just mastered and then reset it smack in front of myself? Right there in my very own future? Geez, I think I mentioned in an earlier post, that there was a good chance you would feel better about yourself after reading my personal insights. How are you feeling now?

If I seriously ask myself the question, why the same hurdles over and over? I think I would have to say “it’s because I truly have not mastered that hurdle, YET.” Once I honestly evaluate the hurdles, I find that each time the hurdle is a bit lower. It is easier and quicker to get over. Eventually that hurdles is eliminated. A good example is smoking. I was a smoker. I loved to smoke. I quit smoking fifty times before I became a non-smoker. That hurdle is no longer in front of me. Another hurdle was being organized. That was another big one for me. Slowly from trial and error, I have just about mastered that one. You seldom will walk into my home and see everything strewed all over the place in an attempt to organize myself, my life.

So for now, I am still jumping some of the same hurdles. Most prominent in my life today is the weight hurdle. I got over the big ten pound mark and my hurdle just got lower. I accept that jumping my personal hurdles equal my personal growth. Sometimes it will be the same hurdles. Sometimes there may be some new ones too. And then there will be times I am just on the straight stretch.


NOTE TO SELF: Keep jumping and eventually you’ll land firm on both feet!

Do You Have a Color or Is It Black or White?

Whenever I am in search of a topic, it seems to just be handed to me. This time I was paying attention to how “black or white” my thoughts and actions seem to be and I was wondering if I should write about them. Then I took a quiz on Facebook about what Michael Jackson song are you…. Guess what I was? You got it, Black or White. Waa-Laa my topic just handed to me.

The saying black or white really applies to many areas of my life. For example over the weekend I was a cleaning fool doing some quite extensive housework. I not only did laundry, I stripped all the bedding, washed it and hung it all on the clothesline to dry. I love, love nature’s fabreeze. Oh no I just realized I only did my bed. I totally skipped my daughter right over on that one. I guess I she might enjoy some naturally fabreezed bedding too. Oh well, maybe next week. Back to topic, I didn’t just vacuum, I moved the furniture to vacuum under. I didn’t just dust, I cleaned the blinds too. The bathroom, scrubbed from top to bottom. You get the picture. I was cleaning for hours, which is amazing because I live in a tiny house. As I was finishing up the final Mop and Glow coat in the kitchen, I tippy toed into the living room and plopped myself onto the couch. Whew, wee I thought "thank god that’s done." Then I listened to what I said, as if it never has to be done again. Did I really expect that because the house was clean, it would stay clean? Did I think that all messiness stopped just because I labored over removing it? Wholly shit, this is a huge revelation. My expectation was that if I cleaned the house, I did not expect to have clean again for a long long time because now it was extra clean. Of course, I wonder why I am frustrated when the next week the floors need to be cleaned again. It’s not about the tasks at hand, it is about the expectations that I have so distorted. The house is either clean or it is messy/dirty. FYI – this small house I live in is ten times harder to keep clean than any other place I have lived.

After some further thought, I realized that this black or white pattern applies in massive doses to my nutrition and exercise regime. I am either dieting or not. Which equals eating small balanced meals often or I just don’t stop eating. I am either exercising six times a week or I am not exercising seven days a week. Then I wonder why I am frustrated when goals are not met.

So the nutrition and exercise has been weighing heavy on my mind because next week we are going camping for five days. Now as you know from my previous postings that I really have an aversion to deprivation. I love camping and to me camping is food because food always tastes better outdoors. Then there is the beer when it’s hot and the wine with dinner, because you're camping. Then there are S’mores by the campfire, because you're camping. It goes on and on (at least in my mind). So I have been asking myself how I am going to get around the black or white, all or nothing mentality in order to have a successful day on the scale when I return. Not to mention, learning to live a more balanced life with a rosy hue?

Honestly, I don’t have the answer. And I don’t think there is a definitive answer. It’s about baby steps forward each day in the form of focus, planning, action, motivation and desire. So I have made a list of healthy food options along with a few sensible treats. I am researching hiking in the area. I’ll do some writing while I am there to help keep me focused. I have that huge stack of magazines I can take for motivation. Most importantly, I have the commitment to my blog that will help keep me on track and accountable.

This "life-makeover" is about finding the old me and transforming her into the person I have dreamt about being. It is a fact that the black or white, all or nothing is probably the reason behind many of the unattained goals and set-backs. New goal = new me.

NOTE TO SELF: Drop the Black and White, it’s time to add some color to you life.

Do You Put Your Mean Girl In Her Place?

Geez, I am having a tough time being around myself today. It’s like everything just pisses me off for no reason. If I wrote Dr. Jeykel and Mr. Hyde, today it would be titled; Dr. Lovinlyfe and Ms. Whynneebytch. I certainly feel like two people morphed into my body and it is hard to take. Grrrr I say, Grrrrrr

I understand the “everyone has bad days” scenario. Or “along with the sunshine comes a little rain sometime” but today I am in no mood to try to change the attitude. I guess what adds fuel to the fire is the fact there is no apparent or obvious reason. It’s just that kind of day. Everybody has them and today is mine. However if I was to place odds on the mood provoker, it would have something to do with no longer using food as comfort and cutting back on evenings with yummy red wine. Boo Hoo… I want my food, wine and weight loss too! Wah Wah Wah.

For all those skinny ones out there that have never used food for comfort, be grateful that you have no ieda what I am taking about. As I am heading into week two of my healthy lifestyle, I refuse to give in. It is a fact, the second you decide you are NOT giving into a craving it starts to diminish. A craving will haunt you only as along as you are toying with the should I? Or should I not give in notion. As mean as I am today, I will stay strong!

As I write this I am confident my teenage daughter is off to the store to buy me a dark chocolate candy or ice cream and will be standing outside the store hoping to find someone to buy me a very nice bottle of wine! Or maybe she just went for a bike ride to stay clear from my grumbling at everything I try to do today.

If you read my last entry you know I made this one free day rule, well now I want that day to be today. But I can’t do that because when I made that rule, I promised if I gave myself that one day of freedom, I would do everything else necessary to stay focused on the goal. And a promise is a promise, especially to myself.

Yes, there will be tough days. Yes, I will eventually develop new healthy habits. Yes, it will get easier. I quit smoking several years ago, I sure as hell can learn to not use food as a comfort crutch. Logically, I could go out for a nice run or head out to the beach or even go read a book in order to change up the focus. So with that written, I believe I should take my own damn advice and finish this day off with a happy note to self.

NOTE TO SELF: Put it all in perspective. Food is not therapy. Food is not recreation. Food is nutrition. Period.