Do You Put Your Mean Girl In Her Place?

Geez, I am having a tough time being around myself today. It’s like everything just pisses me off for no reason. If I wrote Dr. Jeykel and Mr. Hyde, today it would be titled; Dr. Lovinlyfe and Ms. Whynneebytch. I certainly feel like two people morphed into my body and it is hard to take. Grrrr I say, Grrrrrr

I understand the “everyone has bad days” scenario. Or “along with the sunshine comes a little rain sometime” but today I am in no mood to try to change the attitude. I guess what adds fuel to the fire is the fact there is no apparent or obvious reason. It’s just that kind of day. Everybody has them and today is mine. However if I was to place odds on the mood provoker, it would have something to do with no longer using food as comfort and cutting back on evenings with yummy red wine. Boo Hoo… I want my food, wine and weight loss too! Wah Wah Wah.

For all those skinny ones out there that have never used food for comfort, be grateful that you have no ieda what I am taking about. As I am heading into week two of my healthy lifestyle, I refuse to give in. It is a fact, the second you decide you are NOT giving into a craving it starts to diminish. A craving will haunt you only as along as you are toying with the should I? Or should I not give in notion. As mean as I am today, I will stay strong!

As I write this I am confident my teenage daughter is off to the store to buy me a dark chocolate candy or ice cream and will be standing outside the store hoping to find someone to buy me a very nice bottle of wine! Or maybe she just went for a bike ride to stay clear from my grumbling at everything I try to do today.

If you read my last entry you know I made this one free day rule, well now I want that day to be today. But I can’t do that because when I made that rule, I promised if I gave myself that one day of freedom, I would do everything else necessary to stay focused on the goal. And a promise is a promise, especially to myself.

Yes, there will be tough days. Yes, I will eventually develop new healthy habits. Yes, it will get easier. I quit smoking several years ago, I sure as hell can learn to not use food as a comfort crutch. Logically, I could go out for a nice run or head out to the beach or even go read a book in order to change up the focus. So with that written, I believe I should take my own damn advice and finish this day off with a happy note to self.

NOTE TO SELF: Put it all in perspective. Food is not therapy. Food is not recreation. Food is nutrition. Period.

Does Someone Make A Difference in Your Life?

Today, I actually was feeling a bit down in the dumps and at a loss for words to write. It was errands after work and of course I look like a very stressed out mess with flat greasy hair, chubby girl pants, really overall ratty looking and yes, I kept running into people I know. Where are they when I just walk out of the salon? Or I am sporting a new outfit? They are never around even if you go out of your way to try and run into someone you won't. Anyway, I was tired and grumpy and hungry. Wah Wah Wah! I made it though the errands and was going to skip writing tonight. I went to go into my room to turn on the TV, and I found this note from my fourteen year old daughter. Today was her last day of school. I am a full time single parent. Her father does not live in the area so most of the time it is just the two of us. Here is what she wrote word for word……….

Mommy,

Mrs. Jackson told us this story today:

A man who owned a restaurant realized that people are underestimated and should be recognized for all the great things they do. So he told his employees that they make a difference in his life because they helped him and he was thankful for all of their work. A man was so shocked, he went home and told his son. Then he told his son he was thankful for him, that he loved him and that he was proud of him. The boy was amazed and then gave his dad a note. The note was a suicide letter and because the boy believed the dad no longer cared about him. But what the dad said saved his life. The father wanted to help other so he started an organization called “You Make A Difference.”

The reason I am telling you this is because I felt that you of all people make a difference in my life. I am so proud of everything you do and I am so glad you are the strong, beautiful great Mom that I have because if it was not for you, I would not be the person I am today. You always tell me to follow my dreams and trust my heart and you back me up 100% at anything.

So I wanted to let you know that I love you so much and that you make such a big difference in my life. You inspire me to be healthy and strong. I always admire your strength to continue your battle with your weight and I know it is hard but I want you to be here when I have kids so they can see what a wonderful, passionate and driven woman their grandma is. You make SUCH a big difference in my life and I love you! XOXO

NOTE TO SELF: Tell those in your life they make a difference and how grateful you are.