Do You Have a Color or Is It Black or White?

Whenever I am in search of a topic, it seems to just be handed to me. This time I was paying attention to how “black or white” my thoughts and actions seem to be and I was wondering if I should write about them. Then I took a quiz on Facebook about what Michael Jackson song are you…. Guess what I was? You got it, Black or White. Waa-Laa my topic just handed to me.

The saying black or white really applies to many areas of my life. For example over the weekend I was a cleaning fool doing some quite extensive housework. I not only did laundry, I stripped all the bedding, washed it and hung it all on the clothesline to dry. I love, love nature’s fabreeze. Oh no I just realized I only did my bed. I totally skipped my daughter right over on that one. I guess I she might enjoy some naturally fabreezed bedding too. Oh well, maybe next week. Back to topic, I didn’t just vacuum, I moved the furniture to vacuum under. I didn’t just dust, I cleaned the blinds too. The bathroom, scrubbed from top to bottom. You get the picture. I was cleaning for hours, which is amazing because I live in a tiny house. As I was finishing up the final Mop and Glow coat in the kitchen, I tippy toed into the living room and plopped myself onto the couch. Whew, wee I thought "thank god that’s done." Then I listened to what I said, as if it never has to be done again. Did I really expect that because the house was clean, it would stay clean? Did I think that all messiness stopped just because I labored over removing it? Wholly shit, this is a huge revelation. My expectation was that if I cleaned the house, I did not expect to have clean again for a long long time because now it was extra clean. Of course, I wonder why I am frustrated when the next week the floors need to be cleaned again. It’s not about the tasks at hand, it is about the expectations that I have so distorted. The house is either clean or it is messy/dirty. FYI – this small house I live in is ten times harder to keep clean than any other place I have lived.

After some further thought, I realized that this black or white pattern applies in massive doses to my nutrition and exercise regime. I am either dieting or not. Which equals eating small balanced meals often or I just don’t stop eating. I am either exercising six times a week or I am not exercising seven days a week. Then I wonder why I am frustrated when goals are not met.

So the nutrition and exercise has been weighing heavy on my mind because next week we are going camping for five days. Now as you know from my previous postings that I really have an aversion to deprivation. I love camping and to me camping is food because food always tastes better outdoors. Then there is the beer when it’s hot and the wine with dinner, because you're camping. Then there are S’mores by the campfire, because you're camping. It goes on and on (at least in my mind). So I have been asking myself how I am going to get around the black or white, all or nothing mentality in order to have a successful day on the scale when I return. Not to mention, learning to live a more balanced life with a rosy hue?

Honestly, I don’t have the answer. And I don’t think there is a definitive answer. It’s about baby steps forward each day in the form of focus, planning, action, motivation and desire. So I have made a list of healthy food options along with a few sensible treats. I am researching hiking in the area. I’ll do some writing while I am there to help keep me focused. I have that huge stack of magazines I can take for motivation. Most importantly, I have the commitment to my blog that will help keep me on track and accountable.

This "life-makeover" is about finding the old me and transforming her into the person I have dreamt about being. It is a fact that the black or white, all or nothing is probably the reason behind many of the unattained goals and set-backs. New goal = new me.

NOTE TO SELF: Drop the Black and White, it’s time to add some color to you life.