Dancing Queen - Is Your Body Language Speaking Your Language?

Yes indeed I made it to the gym today. I had a respectable one hour workout. First one in four weeks , wow did it feel good! It amazes me that I do love to workout. I love the benefits of exercise. However getting me to that gym is like pulling teeth without Novocain. Anyway the point of this posting is; does your body language speak your language?

There I was peddling away on the stationery bike with my IPod blasting in my ears. Diligently burning calories, rocking out, I could hear nothing but the music, ah but I could see so much perched upon my stationary bike. The single guy on the weights was eyeing the young girl on the treadmill. The chatter man (that’s another entire posting) was only out of breath because he would not stop talking whilst on the treadmill. The woman on the elliptical machine reading her novel, who probably would have burned more calories laying on her couch. The very, very bored front desk attendant that was daydreaming and wondering if the free gym membership was worth giving up a Sunday afternoon. The muscle man with the solid hot body lifting the weights, drenched in sweat. The young couple working out together, she is pregnant and they were so loving with each other. All the different body language was fascinating to me. There was so much conversation with so few words, (except for chatter man).

As I got deeper in thought, I started thinking about how often my actions and or words are misread, misinterpreted and misunderstood. Many times completely different than what I intended. But let me tell you, right here and now, my body language IS right on! As you may have read on the About Me section on this blog, I write: I am on a mission to have some fun, relax a bit and let my guard down. So in pursuant of my mission, once a month I have been going out dancing. Our last girls night out was a few weeks ago. Now, I am not a comfortable dancer, in fact I bet the word awkward would be accurate. Yes, I am an awkward dancer. I have never learned how to dance, so I just go out on the floor, look at every one else and mimic what they are doing. Needless to say if there are a bunch of different moves going on out there, I am trying to imitate each and every one. I don’t know which move is the most current or coolest one, so I try them all, generally all moves in the same song. I cannot describe what I look like, although I imagine it is similar to someone with a broken left foot, burning hemorrhoids and a dislocated right shoulder. This last outing gives me a better idea…..

Please keep in mind my self image is a bit damaged these days. That night as I was getting dressed I was really struggling with choosing something to wear. Everything I tried on was too tight, too short, wrong color, you get the idea. And nothing was comfortable. You know how snazzy you feel when you are sporting an outfit that makes you feel like you are a superstar; you walk around like you are Heidi Klum! Well, I was feeling the opposite that night. But in line with my mission I wiggled into something and off I went. We go to the local casino to listen to this great local band. They are a five piece band encompassing many genres of music including rock, jazz, oldies, country, and swing. Really they do provide the best in dance music. Especially perfect for folks in the “new 30’s to new 40’s age range”.

So I am out there dancing and the person I am dancing with asks “are you okay?”. “Yes, I'm fine" I reply. I really did not think much of it. A few songs later I was out dancing again. Same thing, the partner I am dancing with leans over and asks “are you okay?” I reply, “What?” He repeats the question. I reply “Oh, oh, Yes, I'm fine”. Okay, now that’s just weird. Then I am dancing with this guy, he is so much fun to dance with. From what I understand he had an accident that has caused some brain damage, however, he loves to go out and dance. Let me tell you, this guy is such a nice guy and boy does he have some moves. No inhibitions, no worries, he just gets out there and grooves with the music. Everything goes! So I am out there dancing away, not feeling quite so awkward because this guy is cutting loose. I mean he is footloose and fancy free on the floor. I’m out there dancing away with him, smiling and genuinely enjoying myself. Really feeling comfortable. Then, he leans over to me and says… “Are you okay?” What the what? Jesus, I must be as transparent as cellophane. Did everyone in this damn casino know how uncomfortable I felt in my own skin? It was if I was having one of those bad dreams where it is the first day of school and you forgot to put your clothes on! I just started laughing and replied “yes, I am just fine, thank you for asking, are you okay?”

I am still laughing about it. I even asked my friend the next day, if I was dancing really weird. She said not, but perhaps she was just being kind. Either way, that’s okay because I am sticking to my mission and having fun letting my guard down.

I guess the moral of this story is to get some dancing lessons if I don’t want people to worry about me on the dance floor. I got a good laugh and apparently so did the rest of the folks in the bar.

NOTE TO SELF: You can be uncomfortable and still have fun!

Liar Liar Pants on Fire. Who do you Lie to?

Tell me please, what kind of person is honest, loving and faithful to all friends, family and overall most anyone that is in their lives, yet lies to themselves? Now that makes NO sense! Nada. None whatsoever! If you ARE going to lie, you would think it would be to someone that doesn't know you are lying! This is what I am talking about.....

Every day and I mean every day I tell myself, tomorrow, yep tomorrow I am going to stop this food fest of eating all my favorite comfort foods (believe me there are lots and lots of them) , no exercising, sloth like rut that I have gotten myself into. Yep, TOMORROW! So, today since it is my last day, I better eat .........and drink.......and not go for a workout or run, no worries because tomorrow I am going to at least go for a walk! Now I know full well as I am telling this shitty lie to myself, tomorrow is NOT the day! Who does that? I could be lying to any number of people in my life, my boss, my kid, or even my mother, but nope I must be an idiot, because I choose to lie to myself. I do it, I know it and I still believe the lies!

Last night as look back, it was as if I was having an outer body experience. There I was drinking the third glass of red wine, shoveling in my third helping of mashed potatoes with butter (no gravy, I was cutting calories) and the giant helping of store bought roasted turkey breast loaded up with chemicals. Justified every sip, bite and swallow, because it was all about, that's right, tomorrow!
I am like goddamn Annie, Tomorrow, tomorrow there's always tomorrow, you get the idea....

The power of procrastination is not a good thing here, although I am good at it. I have managed to lie my way from a size 8 to a size 12, okay maybe sometimes 14. That's what I am talking about. Honestly, last year I was sporting a size 6. I tell myself, from an 8 to 10/12 that's okay, but I'm not just talking to myself, I am talking to you too. And now that I am being honest when I say it is not about the size, it IS about how I feel. Me being in my body at this weight. I just cannot get comfortable with the extra roll that resides right smack under my breasts and above my lap, even when I sit up straight. If you've ever had one, you know what I am talking about.

So as I write these words, tomorrow is no longer on the plate, it is TODAY! Really I swear to God it is today! Today I am going to the Farmers Market to get some fresh veggies, the grocery store and yes, today is the day I will at least go for a walk. Now if there is no post tomorrow, you'll know I got sucked back in.....

NOTE TO SELF: It's today not tomorrow!